The dumbest effing thing I have ever heard

unclehobart

New Member
South Carolina Inmate Hits Michael Vick With '$63,000,000,000 Billion Dollar' Lawsuit Alleging Al Qaeda Ties

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a "$63,000,000,000 billion dollar" lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy "missiles from Iran," FOX News has learned.

Jonathan Lee Riches filed the handwritten complaint over "theft and abuse of my animals" on July 23 in the U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va.

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver “ delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

FOXNews

The ONLY reason this dumbass can file this trash is because he has more rights behind bars than he would in general society. They are required to put all of this wasteful crap through. If you or I tried it, we would be jailed for wasting the courts time, our lawyer would be disbarred, and we would be comitted against our will for 72 hours of psychiatric evaluation.
 

markjs

Banned
Doesn't seem any dumber to me than some dumbass lady suing McDonalds because she spilled coffee on herself and it was.....hot! And that bitch took them to the bank!
 

unclehobart

New Member
Yes... but that lady actually went to a McDonalds. She actually ordered a coffee. She actually got it in her lap one way or another and got burned. A dimwitted jury ponied up a chunk of change.... but the key difference is that the McDonalds lawsuit had at least some basis in reality. This guys lawsuit is an absolute rubber-room read from top to bottom.
 

unclehobart

New Member
I don't know how cheaply one can buy missiles from Iran... missles they don't really have(remember that they keep trying to get them from China and N Korea)... but they surely don't cost what two pit bull pups would fetch on EBay. Oh... and another thing... EBay doesn't allow live animal peddling anyway.
 

Gonz

molṑn labé
Staff member
That is one of the funniest things I've seen in months....thanks Unc
 

2minkey

bootlicker
yeah that's pretty sweet.

i just wish the whole thing had involved courtney hole (er, love) in the iran missile angle.
 

Inkara1

Well-Known Member
Is there even $63 billion in gold and silver in existence? I thought most of the trillions of dollars that circulate in the economy were on paper only.
 

Altron

Well-Known Member
Well, isn't our US currency technically backed by the amount of gold that the US government has? I think they explained it in Die Hard 3.
 

Inkara1

Well-Known Member
According to the US Mint, there are 147.3 million ounces of gold in Fort Knox right now at a book value of $42.22 per ounce.

That translates to just over $6.2 billion.

$6.2 billion isn't that much anymore. Consider that the US has 300 million people in it. That comes out to $20.66 in cash in the pocket of every man, woman and child in the US. Most kids won't have that much sitting around, but a lot of adults have more. Plus, banks keep cash on deposit, and quite a bit of it. That's how you can go to the bank, withdraw $3,000 in cash (if your account can cover it) and buy a classic car with it.

So let's consider Bank of America alone, with 5,700 locations and 16,000 ATMs. This says an ATM currency cassette holds 1,000 or 1,500 bills. If we assume the average ATM has the smaller size cassette and it's a quarter full, that's 250 $20 bills, or $5,000. 16,000 ATMs at $5,000 apiece equals $80 million sitting just in Bank of America's ATMs. Then if we assume a bank vault has $1 million in it, that's $5.7 billion just for Bank of America's locations alone. Then, of course, Citibank has 3,300 regular ATMs, an ATM in 5,500 7-Eleven stores, and 1,000 bank locations in the US. Wells Fargo has 4,100 bank locations and 6,800 ATMs. The point is, there's likely to be way more than $6.2 billion in cash floating around.

If Bill Gates is worth, say, $35 billion, he's likely to have well less than $1 million in liquid assets. The vast majority of that $35 billion is the value of his stock in Microsoft, as well as other investments he's made, the value of his house, etc. If he were to sell $35 billion worth of stock (he can't legally sell it at once, but just for argument's sake) and then try to get it in cash, there probably wouldn't be enough US currency in existence to cover it, but even if there were, it's obvious that there wouldn't be enough gold in Fort Knox to cover it.

The most gold Fort Knox ever held was 649.6 million ounces in December 1941. Assuming the $42.22/ounce book value, it's a bit over $27.4 billion.
 

unclehobart

New Member
Where in god's name did the Mint come up with $42/ounce for gold? The last I saw it was trading at darn near $670/oz. That changes the obvious pre-WW2 value from 6 billion to darn near 98 billion... which is more than enough to cover the debt. I don't really think that the feds will be coughing any of it up to satistfy Vick's missile debts to this upstanding prisoner though.
 

TexasRaceLady

Active Member
Unc, I want to thank you for one of the greatest laughs I've had in a while. It was so good, I'll even forgive you for making me spill my coffee.

ROTFLMAO
 

unclehobart

New Member
Everyone has laws based under good intention that get abused to an extreme.

I still remember Canada trying to enforce the whole sharia(sp?) code on emigrated muslim women who were trying to get the hell away from their oppresive families.
 
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