When?

[PrincessLissa]

When does the guilt go away? I tried to get some books today on coping with death but got too emotional before I could even look at them and bring them to the checkout.

Does anyone know the stages of death or anything that can help me? I am taking this so hard and my guilt is so extreme that I cry whenever my mind isn't preoccupied with some stupid task that simply keeps me busy and my mind numb. I have really good friends that can help me but I simply can't bring myself to cry to them right now while they are in so much pain as well. I tend to close myself off in the face of emotion and I just dunno what to do.

 

[tonksy]

sweety...why do you have guilt? are you responsible for his death? no. you can't feel guilt because you are still living. i am not telling you not to mourn because that is silly and will only bite you in the ass later...but you musn't beat yourself up over it. remember him for all of his qualities and the time you spent together....but you must live and you must move on...never forgetting but moving on. if you need to talk....

 

[freako104]

death usually gets a tiny bit easier each time though it is never easy. nothing will totally take the pain away. now as far as the guilt: Id say remind yourself you didnt do anything to him. and you did not take his life. it was his time.

 

[Ms Ann Thrope]

A good book is On Death and Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross.

There is a process to grieving. Let it happen. It's perfectly normal to go through a range of emotions from denial to acceptance. The experience is different for everyone, but there are enough similarities that reading about the stages may aid you in coping.

There are a number of sites that have information you may find useful. Here are two:
http://fl.essortment.com/stagesgrief_rbdm.htm
http://vanderbiltowc.wellsource.com/dh/content.asp?ID=72

 

[chcr]

I have really good friends that can help me but I simply can't bring myself to cry to them right now while they are in so much pain as well.

You know, they maight be feeling the same way. Who else can you turn to in these times but your friends. You should talk to them about it at least.

 

[Oz]

Lissa it's very easy to let the mind slip from a healthy emotion like greif to a destructive one like guilt

Talk to ya friends, let it flow..........it'll feel like yer in hell for a while, but it'll be good for ya.

 

[PrincessLissa]

Thank you all. I checked out those sites which helped me understand why I am going through this and made me feel better about it. It is okay for me to feel all the things I have felt.

My livejournal has a very long post about him and our memories if anyone is interested.

I went and looked at all my friends posts about him and all the pictures they posted of him and I cried for a long time and let my my mind dump out a lot of the things I was holding in. It helped me a lot.

THank you all for your kind words. I know I am a faceless name on the interent but you have all showed me so much kindness. Thank you.

 

[kuulani]

*hugs*

death is hard, and grieving is a necessary process, even though it hurts like hell.

you know, it'll always hurt in some way. at first it'll be daily, then gradually it'll fade and maybe hurt on the anniversary of death, or when your hear a song and it reminds you of that person, or when you catch a certain fragrance, but in a way, it's a good hurt because it helps you to remember how much this person meant to you.

 

[PrincessLissa]

I already crave the scent he always wore. He got it cause I liked the way it smelled on him. I never want a boy to where it again around me now.

 

[tonksy]

I already crave the scent he always wore. He got it cause I liked the way it smelled on him. I never want a boy to where it again around me now.

man, i understand. i'm a total sniffer...i'd imagine it's a punch in the face when you catch the smell of his cologne elsewhere.

 

[Inkara1]

It's odd what things will trigger the ol' memories. A scent... seeing the same car... a commercial on TV you both used to hate... little things like that that seem innocent but are also nearly impossible to get away from in real life. There's not much that can be done except to keep the ol' chin up and let time do its thing.

 

[PrincessLissa]

I know what you mean. The sponge monkeys remind me of him. THey made thier first apperance in my life when I was with him on his futon.