38 things to say at work that will get you FIRED!

paul_valaru

paul_valaru

100% Pure Canadian Beef
1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
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Credit where credit is due
 
*vows to use each and every one of these and still maintain her job...and i'm pretty sure i can do it too!
 
More of the same style work humor

Things We'd Like To See On Company Motivational Posters.....
1) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
2) It's only unethical if you get caught.
3) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts
4) Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
5) Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
6) If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals! (We suck less!)
7) Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
8) We put the "k" in "kwality"
9) If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right thing.
10) Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
11) A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
12) If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos... then you probably haven't completely understood the situation.
13) ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.....
14) We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
15) 2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
16) Your job is still better than asking "You want fries with that?"
17) We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile.
18) Plagiarism saves time.
19) If at first you don't succeed - try management.
20) At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.
21) Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
22) This can't go on for ever, even the Third Reich only lasted 12 years
23) Never quit until you have another job.
24) TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
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I've used most of them, if not all. That many of them don't carry the same meaning when translated may be why I'm still here.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
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Oh yeah.
 
i love my job because we're always badmouthing each other.
in a playful way, tho.
like my manager telling me he hates me and stuff. (he really doesn't, i'd be fired loooong ago if he did)
 
ash r said:
i love my job because we're always badmouthing each other.
in a playful way, tho.
like my manager telling me he hates me and stuff. (he really doesn't, i'd be fired loooong ago if he did)
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right! except for with me it's the mainly the customers and a very ornery russian cook.
 
funny thing about this, is that I could say any of those things to my manager, and NOT get fired XD :evilcool:
 
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4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

My boss was trying to light the pilot on the oven after hurricane Ivan (that never came this way-thank god) and it was a new oven..the knobs on the old one all went one way so they thought this was the same...the gas had been on for alitle bit, so when she bent down to light it, it threw her back about 6-7 feet...and burnt her face alittle , singed her hair. Wasn't funny at the time...but man was it a good laugh afterwards. Boss has a new "Do" now.... :lol2:
 
tonksy said:
right! except for with me it's the mainly the customers and a very ornery russian cook.
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Do you remember the words we taught you to say to this russian cook???

Zaraza (asshole/idiot)
 
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