chcr
Too cute for words
Updated resume - G.W. BushGeorge W. Bush, The White House, USAPast Work Experience:I ran for US Congress and lost.I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money.With my father's help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.Accomplishments as Governor:I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America.I cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.I set the record for the most executions by any Governor in American history.I became US President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court.Accomplishments as President:I attacked and overtook two countries.I spent the US surplus and effectively bankrupted the US Treasury.I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history.I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the US stock market.My record for environmental issues is the least of my concerns.I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one year period.After taking-off the entire month of August, I then presided over the worst security failure in US history.I am supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke, a WMD.I am getting our troops killed, under the lie of Sadam's procurement of Yellow Cake Nuke WMD components, then blaming the lie on our British friends.I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a US president.In my first year in office over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12 month period.I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any president in US history.I set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.I signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring the Constitution than any president in history.I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use national reserves as past presidents have done.I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time.I have set the all time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.I've dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US history.My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, has a Chevron oil tanker named after her.I am the first president in US history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer massive financial crisis.I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud of any market in any country in history.I am the first president in US history to order a pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.I created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in history.I am the first president in US history to have the United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.I am the first president in US history to have theUnited Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.I removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in US history.I rendered the entire United Nations viewpoints irrelevant.I withdrew the US from the World Court of Law.I refused to allow inspectors access to US "prisoners of war" (detainees) and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.I am the first president in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 US election).I am the all-time US and world record holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, (Kenneth Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US history.My political party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the US Supreme Court during my election decision.I have spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in US history.I garnered the most sympathy for the US after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the US the most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.I am actively working on a policy of "disengagement" creating the most hostile of Israel Palestine relations in at least 30 years.I am first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.I am the first US president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.I changed the US policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.I set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees who violated US law by not selling their huge personal investments in corporations bidding for US contracts.I failed to fulfil my pledge to capture Osama Bin Laden, dead or alive.I failed to capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the US Capitol Building. Even after 18 months I have no leads and no credible suspects.In the past 18 months following the World Trade Center attack I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history of the United States.I removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any president in US history.In a little over two years, I created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.I entered my office with the strongest economy in US history and have turned every single economic category downward -- all in less than two years.Records and References:I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. My Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.I was AWOL from the National Guard.I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.All records of my tenure as Governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed, and unavailable for public view.All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-president, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.Please consider my record when voting in 2004.
not MY president... and if he gets re-elected, probably no longer my country either!
TWO wimmens? 
This is gonna be GREAT!
Anyone else coming with?