Dear Dogs and Cats,
- The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
- The hall was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the kitchen is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
- I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
- For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - your attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
