About cheaters...

AlladinSane

AlladinSane

Well-Known Member
The many advices on Justins thread got me wondering. So many expressed their bad feelings about cheaters in general, but do you consider a person who dates another who is in a relationship a cheater aswell? I mean I never dated more than one person at the same time, but I dated women who were having relationships(not marriage) before. I always thought I was not responsible(sp?) for another's actions. Why do you think about this topic?
 
i dated:

someone who was in a relationship... while i was in a relationship.
that was dumb :(

but no, i dont think the one who helps cheat is a cheater... but only if they didnt know the person is already involved. so like, if i were going out with a guy(or girl), but didnt know that they had boy/girlfriend... i would be completely innocent.
 
I don't consider cheating until it gets physical contact in "that way". And I know from experience that I won't forgive anyone cheating on me.

Many in here know that i have cheated in a funny way, i cheated girl 1 with girl 2, broke up with girl 1, and then i cheated girl 2 with girl 3.
girl1 never knew a thing.
girl2 knew about girl1 but didn't care.
girl3 knew about 1 and 2 and didn't care either.

Anyway, i still regret doing such a thing, i admit it was funny up to some extent, but i doubt i'd do it again, that was the first time i cheated and i wasn't pleased with the results.
 
i have "dated" women in relationships and not been emotionally involved too much, without feeling the least bit guilty. i never made a commitment to either of them.
i have "dated" muliple women at one time if i was not very emotionally involved (i.e. saw no potential for lifelong relationships with them) and when they viewed it the same. just people having fun and enjoying each other's company.
i have NEVER nor would i ever cheat on someone when it was agreed or understood that we were dating each other exclusively. i just couldnt do it. i become too much of a sappy romantic when i really care about someone. typically if i like someone enough to want an exclusive relationship, we end up spending all our free time together anyway.

my dad cheated on my mom when i was very little and it affected me and my family so adversely, i am sure it has shapped my opinions of cheating. breaking someone's trust in that way is simply not acceptable in my book. i have never cheated, and am pretty sure (i guess you can never be 100% positive) i have never been cheated on. i got to think there is a corralation there.
 
AlladinSane said:
do you consider a person who dates another who is in a relationship a cheater aswell?
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Hmmm...good one. I think I'd agree with ash and say that if the person didn't know that their "already involved" other half was taken...then I'd say they're not a cheater. However, if they knew that the other was already with someone else then I'd just have to call them a "wrecker," home, relationship...whatever the situation.

I, on the other hand, get too emotionally involved to cheat or handle being cheated on. The hurt lasts a long time and I don't think that I could bear that kind of pain ever again...'specially when there's a friend was involved. Somehow I got around to talking to the friend again but the ex.... :(
 
AlladinSane said:
The many advices on Justins thread got me wondering. So many expressed their bad feelings about cheaters in general, but do you consider a person who dates another who is in a relationship a cheater aswell? I mean I never dated more than one person at the same time, but I dated women who were having relationships(not marriage) before. I always thought I was not responsible(sp?) for another's actions. Why do you think about this topic?
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To me, you're a cheat in this situation if you're friends with the other half of the relationship...like...sleeping with your best friend's spouse, that's absolutely cheating...where sleeping with the spouse of someone you don't know...I think it's a little more acceptable, as they would likely have anyway, though I'm sure the Bible calls that adultery as well. All the chickies my husband was with knew he was married, I don't blame them...though I do think they should have conducted themselves better, it's not their fault he's a dickhead.
 
If you know someone's is using you to cheat on someone else, not only are you a cheater too, you're a moron. Just my humble opinion.
 
i differ between cheating and ployamoury. cheating is when you dont care about the person your with how it will hurt them or not. polyamoury is when one person cant satisfy you. that said i also take into account that if someone is plyamourous tell them. so to an extent i dont think dating 2 people at once is cheating.
 
Leslie said:
To me, you're a cheat in this situation if you're friends with the other half of the relationship...
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oh, absolutely, because you are breaking the bonds and trust of friendship with the other party. like i was trying to say, i only view it as "wrong" when i am breaking a trust/commitment/promise/understanding between myself and another person. if i "date" a woman who is involved with someone i dont even know, how can i be breaking any trust/commitment/promise/understanding between myself and someone i've never met? now i agree, this is hardly "noble" of me here, but...
as far as the homewrecker part goes. cheating is not the cause of troubles in a relationship, but rather the result. the cause is one of the people in the relationship has no sense of loyalty or does not value their own commitments, or their are deep issues between the two people that were there before i came around, and will be there when she has had her way with me. now it would be different if i was going around and getting women drunk and talking them into doing something they would otherwise not do, and then they wake up and regret it the next morning. but i dont do that. why? because that would be breaking the TRUST between myself and someone who decided they were comfortable enough with me to make themself vulnerable (i think we are all "vulnerable" when we are not fully in control of our faculties) around me. i make it a habit to never do anything anyone will regret, and believe me, SHE WONT REGRET IT!!! hahahaha :D just kiddin there! sorry, i couldnt hold that one back
 
Leslie said:
All the chickies my husband was with knew he was married, I don't blame them...though I do think they should have conducted themselves better
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i do. they knew he was married. they are just at fault as he is. they made the choice and also remember it takes 2 to tango.
 
lol, my friend craig asked me a hypothetical question today.

"what would you do if you found out josh was cheating on you? would you blame him, or would you blame her?"

at first, i got slightly paranoid ("do you know something i don't???"), but he assured me it was hypothetical.

and so i told craig, that i would find them both, and shoot them both, in the face :)

mmm.... face-guts, splattered all over the wall :headbang:

oh, btw, jawschy already knows he's doomed, if he cheats :) :laugh4:
 
Lacey, I think if you were to ask around, you'd find that noone plans to fool around. They'll say "it just happened" or " the next thing I knew".

Spontenaity is no excuse for moral facility.
 
Professur said:
Lacey, I think if you were to ask around, you'd find that noone plans to fool around. They'll say "it just happened" or " the next thing I knew".

Spontenaity is no excuse for moral facility.
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Cheating is most definitely not spontaneous. You aren't walking down the street and a sexual organ just suddenly appears on/in you. There is no excuse for it, no matter how it happens. There is a purpose behind it every time...whether it's to hurt your current love interest, or to gratify your own inflated ego, it doesn't 'just' happen.
 
Professur said:
Lacey, I think if you were to ask around, you'd find that noone plans to fool around. They'll say "it just happened" or " the next thing I knew".
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Gato_Solo said:
Cheating is most definitely not spontaneous...it doesn't 'just' happen.
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i agree with both of you. most people dont plan on it, and they will probably say it "just happened" but usually there were definitely warning signs. there were some premeditated steps on their part, too as proven by the fact most people knew the person they ended up cheating with for some time before the physical part of the cheating started. most cheaters who didnt plan on cheating would admit to that as well.
 
After havin' viewed the above posts, an' ponderin', I think it appears as if most us make a cognitive "choice" not to treat others, in our relationships, the way we ourselves do not want to be treated. (Seems like good practice to me)

Though we all seem to have different views about the appropriate lines of 'loyalty' in datin', we all seem to agree that betrayal, in the form of adultry, in a marrital relationship is decidedly unacceptable, perhaps even unforgiveable.

God, Himself knows how to forgive such betrayal, but I know no one on Earth who would do the same, an' I doubt that I myself would truely be willin' to choose to completely 'trust' again if I was the victim of such an offense.

Perhaps that's why folk fear men more than the God who makes men, the fact God forgives an' people don't, seems to create a very definate sense of 'accountability' amoung fellow humans, for most of us, I guess.

Perhaps its best to walk accordin' to the words, "treat others as ya wanna be treated".:) (works for me)
 
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