Al Kaada is Hiring

[The Other One]

DUBAI (Reuters) - Al Qaeda has put job advertisements on the Internet asking for supporters to help put together its Web statements and video montages, an Arabic newspaper reported.

The paper said the Global Islamic Media Front, an al Qaeda-linked Web-based organization, would "follow up with members interested in joining and contact them via email."

Asharq al-Awsat said the advert did not specify salary amounts, but added: "Every Muslim knows his life is not his, since it belongs to this violated Islamic nation whose blood is being spilled. Nothing should take precedence over this."

Applicants wishing to be considered for the positions must possess the following qualities:

10. Must be eager to work with a dynamic group of diverse suicidal maniacs

9. Must be a "self-starter;" also, a "self-detonator"

8. Must be a "people person"

7. Absolutely no prima donnas! Whether it's fetching coffee or sawing off the head of a female schoolteacher, there are no "small tasks" at Al Qaeda, only "small workers"

6. Must have a good "phone voice"

5. Must be willing to relocate to Paradise on 24 hours notice

4. Qualified candidates should have 3-5 years experience with Excel, Java, Quicken, and rocket-propelled grenades

3. Special consideration will be given to any candidate who can fit a complete stinger missile system up his ass (we promise-- no giggling!)

2. Must not have already registered with Kelly Temps

...and the Number One Requirement for Employment With Al Qaeda...

1. Not a requirement but a perk: Every Friday is Hawaiian-Shirt-and-Crazy-Tie Day!!!

 

[Gonz]

Considering the age of most virgins...does the 72 virgin promise qualify as child porn?