Another for the "WTF is wrong with you people" file

Professur

Professur

Well-Known Member
SF hosts 'Masturbate-a-thon'
By Lester Haines
Published Wednesday 1st June 2005 15:50 GMT
Those readers who like their Reg stories with a firm IT angle would do well to look away now. On the other hand, those readers who like their stories with a something-firm-in-in-hand angle will doubtless be delighted that US capital of libertines, degenerates and homosexualists San Fran last week hosted the city's "Masturbate-a-thon" - an event designed to celebrate all that is good and wholesome in the five-knuckle shuffle.

According to a Yahoo! report (and yes, we've asked ourselves if they haven't got anything better to do down at Yahoo! - like cracking one off, instead of wasting everyone's time with these tiresome masturbation stories), the event was organised to "help raise funds for the Center for Sex and Culture, and, according to its organizer, provide an outlet for safe sex for those who enjoy pleasuring themselves in a semi-public setting".

Jesus. No wonder Middle America is as we speak loading its semi-automatic rifle and flicking through the Bible for the bit where it says: "Ye verily, the Lord did smite down those who indulged in the trouser-snake monosamba."

Even Center for Sex and Culture supremo, Carol Queen [sic], admitted that the topic of masturbation is for many "off limits", explaining: "Even people who are sexually frisky... might have the bias that many Americans do, that it's second-best sex, that it's something you do if you can't figure something else out."

Second-best sex? Tell that to a Linux programmer who's got a slice of pizza in one hand, his hideously empurpled member in the other and a Natalie Portman tribute website firmly plastered across Firefox...

Tasty. Back in SF, meanwhile, we are informed that: "One New York man arrived shortly after 5 p.m. seeking to break the endurance six-and-a-half hour record set at last year's event." Good effort - better even than guitar-strumming ecowarrior Sting and his reported seventy-three days shagging his wife without suffering an orgasm as a result of his Tantric sex black-belt status. Mind you, the SF wankers are allowed a five-minute break every hour, which is more than enough time to prevent a premature ejection from the competition by focussing on filling in tax returns and the mother-in-law*.

Interestingly, last year's female marathon winner, the deliciously-named Norine Dworkin, described the long-distance frottorama as "about as pleasurable as rubbing an elbow". Suggestion: stay at home and find something else to occupy six-and-a-half hours... Like watching Natalie Portman in The Phantom Menace. Now if you'll excuse me... <unzip> ®

Bootnote
*We don't mean filling in the mother-in-law, obviously. That would be illegal. Satisfying, yes, but illegal nonetheless.
Click to expand...

Source
 
This is...well, this is just....



Take two: I cannot imagine...I mean...



Gimme a minute here.



Where do ya start on this? The idea of an entire city, populated such as SannyFranny is, yankin the collective wankers is about enough to make a feller lose his appetite.

I mean, talk about an exercise in futility...


Oh well. Ain't like it's gonna impact me any. SannyFranny is far enough down the road to where I don't reckon it'll bother me any. What the hell. Have at it.

:fap: :lfap:
 
SouthernN'Proud said:
Oh well. Ain't like it's gonna impact me any. SannyFranny is far enough down the road to where I don't reckon it'll bother me any. What the hell. Have at it.

:fap: :lfap:
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You are so terribly wrong, my friend. Like fashion, anything accepted without resistance spreads. It'll be all the rage in your neck of the woods before you know it. And by then, anyone against it will be treated just like opponents of gay marriage are today. And so the slope gets a little slicker, a little steeper. As more and more, people embrace the animal within. And in so doing, decend to little more than animals themselves.
 
So many things that get popular in the Land of Fruits and Nuts miss us completely. I feel relatively sure that Beat Yer Meat Day will suffer a similar fate.

Besides, we got rednecks with shotguns around here. They won't put up with some of this stuff.
 
SouthernN'Proud said:
Besides, we got rednecks with shotguns around here. They won't put up with some of this stuff.
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Hella Yeah
Great article by the way Prof-eye, funny stuff!

I think S&P is purdy much correct.

None of this crap will fly in:

bush.JPG
 
Well, keep in mind that a lot of the smog controls on your car were first required in California, too...
 
All I know is Prop 187 was passed by Kalifornia voters
oh and they elected the terminator!!!
 
The governator seems to be losing his popularity among the powerful left-leaning unions (such as the teachers).
 
Good Poor guy took on an impossible job
and is doin' OK doncha think?

Screw the lefties they are the ones that
got CA into this mess in the first place

How far in the hole is CA now?
 
Inkara1 said:
The governator seems to be losing his popularity among the powerful left-leaning unions (such as the teachers).
Click to expand...

I'm truly surprised it took this long
 
Man Allegedly Tapes His Family in Bathroom

Thu Jun 2, 5:57 PM ET



WESTVILLE, N.J. - A state corrections officer faces charges that he secretly videotaped members of his family as they used the bathroom. Troy Cates, 37, was arrested Wednesday, the Gloucester County Prosecutor's office said. He was released on his own recognizance later that day.


Authorities said the family members were taped as they were undressed by a camera hidden in a bathroom lamp.

The prosecutor's office has not released the relationship of the two alleged victims to Cates.

Cates has been suspended from with pay by the state Department of Corrections, where he is a senior corrections officer.
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source

yet another one? what is it with you people?
 
Mother Charged With Injecting Son With Feces In Court


WILMINGTON, Del. -- A Bear, Del., woman waived a preliminary hearing on charges she tried to poison her 22-month-old son by injecting feces into his bloodstream.

The defense on Monday waived the hearing for Stephanie McMullen, 29. She was charged this month with assault by abuse or neglect, recklessly charging serious physical injury to a child and first-degree reckless endangering.

McMullen is a former nurse at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children. She's accused of deliberately injecting fecal matter into her son, causing the toddler to be hospitalized numerous times.

According to court records, the toddler suffered fevers, diarrhea, dehydration and vomiting.

Police said the incident is a case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy, a pattern of behavior in which caretakers deliberately try to create health problems in others.


Ya know i just dont understand what goes through these ppl heads.......just plain f***** sick!!!!
 
Mare said:
Mother Charged With Injecting Son With Feces In Court
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Inky...a lesson in bad headline writing. From this headline, the mother did the injecting of feces while in court. The headline should read:

Mother charged in court with injecting son with feces


Come to think, maybe it should read:


Sick chick sticks shit in son, now in trouble thick



:D
 
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