AlphaTroll
New Member
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you to yesterday.
§ Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
§ Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
§ Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
§ Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
§ Wilt Chamberland once claimed to have sex with over 20,000 women during his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that "a slow Tuesday".
§ A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
§ They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh *t from anybody.
§ As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in professional football history.
§ Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
§ Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
§ Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibilityof failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
§ The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
§ Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always has s * x on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
MR T
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities
the fool who don't!
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created Pity.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going
to do about it?
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand of Mr.T
is a deadly weapon in 17 states.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold
chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
There are now over 43 fools born every minute in order to keep up with
the rate at which Mr. T pities them.
Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then
proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of
his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure
gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was
killed in the pilot episode.
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
During the filming of Rocky III, Burgess Meredith asked Mr. T why he
wore so much gold. To make a long story short, the script had to be
changed to include Mickey's "accidental" death.
If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there
would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface
of the Sun.
Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to
be Gary Coleman and Webster.
§ Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
§ Achilles was supposedly the greatest warrior of all time, but he died because of his weak spot, the Achilles tendon. There is no Chuck Norris tendon.
§ Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
§ Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
§ Wilt Chamberland once claimed to have sex with over 20,000 women during his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls that "a slow Tuesday".
§ A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured the man's blindness. Unfortunately, the first, last and only thing this man ever saw was a fatal roundhouse kick delivered by Chuck Norris.
§ They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh *t from anybody.
§ As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in professional football history.
§ Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
§ Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
§ Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the possibilityof failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
§ The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.
§ Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris always has s * x on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit", I mean "kick", and by "sweaters", I mean "babies".
As a teen Chuck Norris impregnated every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f**king Indian.
Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
MR T
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities
the fool who don't!
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
created Pity.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going
to do about it?
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. A bird in the hand of Mr.T
is a deadly weapon in 17 states.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T's.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can
triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold
chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
There are now over 43 fools born every minute in order to keep up with
the rate at which Mr. T pities them.
Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then
proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of
his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure
gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was
killed in the pilot episode.
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
During the filming of Rocky III, Burgess Meredith asked Mr. T why he
wore so much gold. To make a long story short, the script had to be
changed to include Mickey's "accidental" death.
If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there
would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface
of the Sun.
Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only
after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to
be Gary Coleman and Webster.
