Classic nusery rhymes :D

Justintime

Justintime

Guest
Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often
Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.


Simple Simon met a Pieman, going to the fair. Said Simple Simon to the Pieman, What have you got there? Said the Pieman unto Simon, Pies, you dickhead.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses and all the kings men,
said "F*ck him, He's only an egg.


Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up it's ass
and turned it's wool to nylon




Georgie Porgy pudding and pie.
Kissed the girls and made them cry.

When the boys came out to play,

He kissed them too, cause he was gay.



Jack and Jill
Went up the hill

to have some hanky panky.

Silly Jill forgot her pill

And now there's little franky.



Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
to fetch her poor dog a bone.
When she bent over
Rover took over,
And gave her a bone of his own.


Little Boy Blew. Hey he needed the money................
 
Justintime

Justintime

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GOVERNMENT ANNOUNCEMENT...

The government announced today that it is changing it's emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while it's actually screwing you.
 
Justintime

Justintime

Guest
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
> > >
> > > Day number 182
> > > 8:00 am OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 9:30 am OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 9:40 am OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 10:30 am OH BOY! DADDY! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 11:30 am OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 12:00 noon OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 1:00 PM OH BOY! THE GARDEN! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 1:30 PM UH! OH! BATH - BUMMER!!!!!
> > > 4:00 PM OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 5:00 PM OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
> > > 5:30 PM OH BOY! MUMMY! MY FAVOURITE!
> > >
> > >
> > > EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
> > >
> > > DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
> > > objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat
> > > dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape,
> > > and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of
> > > furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
> > >
> > > DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
> > > feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the
> > > top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
> > > oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite
> > > chair... must try this on their bed.
> > >
> > > DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in
> > > attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to
> > > strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about
> > > what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
> > >
> > > DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good
> > > reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it
> > > included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds
> > > could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb
> > > still stuck between my teeth.
> > >
> > > DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was
> > > placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the
> > > noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call "beer.."
> > > More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power
> > > of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
> > > advantage.
> > >
> > > DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkeys and maybe
> > > snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to
> > > return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got
> > > to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he
> > > reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room
> > > his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
 
Justintime

Justintime

Guest
Mad Wife Disease

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his
wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head
with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he asked.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket
with the name Mary Lou written on it," she replied.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Mary Lou was
the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.
"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known
there was a good explanation."
Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV
when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this
time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out
cold.
When he came to, he asked, "What was that for?"
She replied "Your horse called."
 
Justintime

Justintime

Guest
jokes

A man comes home and finds his girlfriend packing. "Where are you going?" he
>asks.
>"I'm leaving you," she answers.
>"Leaving me? Why?"
>"She continues packing and says, "Because I found out today that you're a
>pedophile!"
>"A pedophile? A pedophile?" he shouts. "That's a pretty big word for a ten
>year old!"
 
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