Daily Moment of Zen

Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
Your Daily Moment of Zen

(Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

No one is listening until you fart.

Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped on our ass ... then things get worse.

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.
 
In the beginning I created the heaven and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of me moved upon the face of the waters.
And I said, Let there be light: and there was light.
And I saw the light, that it was good: and I divided the light from the darkness.
And I called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day.
And I said, Let there be a firmament in the midst of the waters, and let it divide the waters from the waters.
And I made the firmament, and divided the waters which were under the firmament from the waters which were above the firmament: and it was so.
And I called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day.
And I said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so.
And I called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and I saw that it was good.
And I said, Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit after his kind, whose seed is in itself, upon the earth: and it was so.
And the earth brought forth grass, and herb yielding seed after his kind, and the tree yielding fruit, whose seed was in itself, after his kind: and I saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the third day.
And I said, Let there be lights in the firmament of the heaven to divide the day from the night; and let them be for signs, and for seasons, and for days, and years:
And let them be for lights in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth: and it was so.
And I made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.
And I set them in the firmament of the heaven to give light upon the earth,
And to rule over the day and over the night, and to divide the light from the darkness: and I saw that it was good.
And the evening and the morning were the fourth day.
And I said, Let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life, and fowl that may fly above the earth in the open firmament of heaven.
And I created great whales, and every living creature that moveth, which the waters brought forth abundantly, after their kind, and every winged fowl after his kind: and I saw that it was good.
And I blessed them, saying, Be fruitful, and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let fowl multiply in the earth.
And the evening and the morning were the fifth day.
And I said, Let the earth bring forth the living creature after his kind, cattle, and creeping thing, and beast of the earth after his kind: and it was so.
And I made the beast of the earth after his kind, and cattle after their kind, and every thing that creepeth upon the earth after his kind: and I saw that it was good.
And I said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.
So I created man in mine own image, in the image of me created me him; male and female created I them.
And I blessed them, and I said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth.
And I said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.
And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.
And I saw every thing that I had made, and, behold, it was very good. And the evening and the morning were the sixth day.
 
Originally posted by L. Summerton
Your Daily Moment of Zen

(Modified to reflect contemporary wisdom):

Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Click to expand...

:headbang:
 
Y'know, I have this theory on god....

It's Me...

"How?" you may ask,

Well I was praying last night and realised I was talking to myself.... :lloyd:
 
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