Small Victory tells a sad story about total tolerance for bullying. Michele's son D.J., who's small for his age, is being threatened and pushed around by a school bully. So is his best friend. The victims are scared to go to school.
So Michele talked to the teacher, who said she's unable to control the class -- except for D.J. and his friend, who are model students.
Michele called the principal, who talked about Big Bully's need to learn how to express his anger and asked if the victims had been doing something to anger Big Bully. She summarizes their conversation:
Well, Mr. Principal says, we have tried peer mediation and peer review with Big Bully. I sent home a pamphlet that will help his father and stepmother go over the proper way to express anger.
See, that's the thing, I say. He has no reason to be angry at my son or my son's friend. If he wants to express anger, I suggest that the classroom is not the appropriate place to do it.
Oh, says Mr. Principal. When he expresses anger in the classroom, he gets sent up here to me.
And then what happens?
He has to sit on the bench for a few minutes while he thinks about his behavior.
And then the bully goes back to class, without even a few stern words of reproach. That might hurt his feelings.
Michele talked to a school district official who suggested a social worker to help D.J. "work out his issues."
When reminded that my son was not the one who needed to deal with his issues, the kind woman told me "we have to tread lightly with people like Big Bully. They need to be encouraged, not discouraged. Sending him to counseling will only hurt his self esteem and make him behave worse."
Michele didn't talk to the bully's father. D.J. begged her not to, saying it would only make things worse.
Now she's wondering what to do. Teach D.J. to fight back? Teach him to avoid trouble by switching schools or home-schooling? Threaten the bully's father or the principal with legal action? More than 100 readers have contributed their bullying stories. (Most advocate slugging the bully.)
I don't remember this kind of bullying in my distant youth. It was considered shameful for a big kid to pick on a little kid. It wasn't the done thing. A bully was despised, not respected. I don't think adults tolerated bullying either, but what I remember is the social consensus of Ravinia Elementary School: Pick on someone your own size.
At any rate, I think Michele should get a lawyer, scream about her son's right to be safe in school and bully the principal into enforcing discipline. It would be a huge favor to the teachers, the students and even to the bullies, who need someone to stop them before they end up in prison.
