Hangover pills, liposuction – where’s the price for excess?
By Mark Patinkin
I’m feeling grumpy today.
I’m feeling grumpy because of a new pill that confirms American civilization is in decline.
It’s called Chaser, and its function says it all.
“Helps avoid hangover symptoms,” the package claims.
A promotional box arrived in the Providence Journal newsroom, so there’s a big push on.
“If you had taken Chaser before you began your big night out,” the flier says, “you probably wouldn’t be feeling so bad right now.”
Of course, if you hadn’t drunk like a fish on your big night out, you wouldn’t be feeling so bad, either, but that would involve discipline, and this being America, God forbid anyone should bother with that. Not when there’s a pill.
The Chaser brochure allows for the abstinence option, then dismisses it: “Not drinking is effective, but not attractive to many people.”
I don’t want to be a killjoy. Perhaps it’s too severe to suggest “not drinking.” But would it be so bad to suggest drinking moderately?
Yes, now that there’s a pill.
I was in a drugstore the other day and saw some hangover pills displayed up in front by the gum and candy. Gee, great place for them, but why should I be surprised, since that’s also where they sell Cosmo and other magazines with big headlines saying, “Make him throb.”
Daddy, what does “throb” mean?
What’s a hangover?
A hangover, son, is God’s way of telling you that you overdid it. Or at least your body’s way.
But if there’s a pill, does that mean overdoing it is now OK, Daddy?
Umm, well, I guess.
That’s the reason I’m grumpy. No matter how the copywriters try to phrase it, a pill like this is going to have one result, and that’s encouraging people to drink to excess. And perhaps drive. And ...
But something else makes me grumpier still.
Hangover pills are one more instance of Americans being told there’s no need anymore for self-discipline.
You want to look trim without having to eat less or exercise?
Fine, we’ll give you liposuction.
Want to hit home runs without having to train? Have some steroids.
Want to get drunk without a hangover? Pop a Chaser.
Once, working hard and living right were prized values. Now, it’s all about shortcuts.
My generation bears some blame. Our parents were raised with the Depression and World War II, and sacrifice was second nature. We, on the other hand, grew up convinced we could get what we wanted without paying a high price.
America happens to be in a war at the moment, but you see few signs of it at home because we’re no longer a people willing to sacrifice, and our leaders know it. So they don’t dare ask us to.
God forbid we should face a hangover. It’s too bad, because hangovers – in every area – are meant to teach us.
If you spend too much, eat too much or drink too much, you wake up realizing you can’t do it again. Or shouldn’t.
But why learn such a lesson if you can make it go away with a pill?
I’m guessing people will be writing letters telling me to relax. It’s just a pill, for goodness’ sake.
Maybe.
But there seems to be a new “pill” every year to avoid the price of excess.
Pills instead of discipline.
It’s enough to make you grumpy.
