He Said....She Said.....

Mare

Mare

New Member
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
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2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. Male....
Playing football without a cup.
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3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of
thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before
taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
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4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
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5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
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6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.
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7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
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8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. Female.... A device for
changing from one TV channel to another. Male... A device for scanning
through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
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AND;
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He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put
in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?
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He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said ....
That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the
sofa and fart!
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He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave
you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
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He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.
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He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said ... They don't have time
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He said .. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . We don't know; it has never happened.
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He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.
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She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every
night?
He said . . . A widow.
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He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women? She said
. . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
:lol2:
 
. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of
thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before
taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.


They leave notes? Since when?
 
PrincessLissa said:
. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. Female... The open sharing of
thoughts and feelings with one's partner. Male... Leaving a note before
taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.


They leave notes? Since when?
Click to expand...


that is for those whipped men
 
My man isn't whipped. He is considerate though and tells me if he has plans. But than again, I don't really care if he wanted a weekend with the boys. Just as long as it's not a weekend when we have something planned.
 
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, ''I'll just have the eggs Benedict.'' His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, ''What's with the hubcap?'' The waiter sings, ''Oh, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!''
 
Oldie but goodie...

:D

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and when her plane got hit she had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had with ner was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank all the whiskey on the way down and then she parachuted right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun and ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last enemy soldier with her bare hands."

"Good Heaven" said the teacher. What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Do not fool around with Aunt Karen when she's drinking."
 
Winky said:
So 'whipped boi' can make plans
as long as you 'don't have a plan for him'. Ha!
Click to expand...

That's the thing you don't get. The man can make plans as long as WE don't have plans. He understands the whole concept of having a family. Someday I hope that a woman can put up with you long enough to help you evolve from "boi" into a man.
 
Gato_Solo said:
Oldie but goodie...

:D

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:

Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral. The next day the kids came back and began to tell their stories.

"Johnny, do you have a story to share?"

"Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and when her plane got hit she had to bail out over enemy territory. All she had with ner was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife.

She drank all the whiskey on the way down and then she parachuted right in the middle of twenty enemy troops. She shot fifteen of them with the gun and ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, until the blade broke, and then she killed the last enemy soldier with her bare hands."

"Good Heaven" said the teacher. What kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Do not fool around with Aunt Karen when she's drinking."
Click to expand...
Part of the joke is the fifth-grader is supposed to say, "don't fuck with Aunt Karen when she's been drinking." :D
 
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