How do you bathe a cat?

I need to bathe one of my cats... but damned if I can find a way outside of giving a vet $50 to gas him and shave him while unconscious. Hes a big and feisty 17 pound lump of muscle that doesn't even like to be petted let alone groomed. He even has a mat on his back that Tonks and I tried to remove once with an electric barbers razor. We had him held down and wrapped up in a towel but he still managed to buck off all 375 pounds of us.
 
unclehobart said:
I need to bathe one of my cats... but damned if I can find a way outside of giving a vet $50 to gas him and shave him while unconscious. Hes a big and feisty 17 pound lump of muscle that doesn't even like to be petted let alone groomed. He even has a mat on his back that Tonks and I tried to remove once with an electric barbers razor. We had him held down and wrapped up in a towel but he still managed to buck off all 375 pounds of us.
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You've got to secure his feet. I'd suggest a lasso, and rodeo-style hog-tie, but it's incredibly difficult to get a rope on a cat's paws.
 
You can't get near him to do even that. Just doing the worming drops on the back of the neck requires a SWAT team... and a minister.
 
Ok, this is too much. Damnit, I hate cats, and even I know the answer to this one. Don't hold it down. That's unnatural, and they know summat bad's coming. Hold it up. Grab it by the hackles and lift. If need be, grab the tail and hold it horizontally. It's not gonna move. And it can kick all it wants.
 
I did that the first time. He apparently has a GI Joe swivel neck as he was able to flip his head over and sink his maw into me like a pit viper... at the cost of a handful of fur. The cat is really, really friggin strong. Believe me... I've owned a few cats in my day. I know how to handle a typical cat... and this cat is part Albanian hyena and part Terminator.
 
i bathed cats for a living. B is just an angry bastard. did we mention that he is declawed? (before you get all up in arms he arrived that way ;) ).
i give mine a bath when they need it.
 
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