How to Stay Awake at Meetings

freako104

freako104

Well-Known Member
Subject: How to Stay Awake at Meetings


HOW TO STAY AWAKE AT MEETINGS

1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare
yourself by drawing a square. I find that 5"x 5" is a good size. Divide the card
into columns, five across and five down. That will give you 25 one inch blocks.

2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:

* synergy
* strategic fit
* core competencies
* best practice
* bottom line
* revisit
* take that off-line
* 24/7
* out of the loop
* benchmark
* value-added
* pro-active
* win-win
* think outside the box
* fast track
* result-driven
* empower (or empowerment)
* knowledge base
* at the end of the day
* touch base
* mind-set
* client focus(ed)
* paradigm
* game plan
* leverage

and last but not least
MOVING FORWARD......

3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words/phrases.

4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up
and shout, "BULLSHIT!"

Testimonials from satisfied "BullShit Bingo" players:

"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." -Paul D.,
Caloundra

"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically."
- David D.,Rockhampton

"The atmosphere was tense in the last process meeting as 14 of us waited for
the fifth box." - Ben G., Sydney

"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed 'BULLSHIT!' for the third time
in two hours."- Kathleen L., Canberra
 
Re: How to stay awake in meetings

And what does that all have to do with bigger boobs?

Erm, wait - OTC, doesn't have to have anything to do with it does it?

:lol: very funny freakiest my dear
 
It should be expanded to a 10x10 grid as there is no end to the gut wrenching euphamisms of business newspeak.

Theres no I in team.
 
:D I HAVE to try that at our next Board meeting. I suppose some of the terms can be changed to fit industry specific jargon? :D

Though I highly doubt I'll stand and yell BULLSHIT, you never know. I've been wanting to do that in a Board meeting for about ... three years now.
 
When I was in wrestling, I used to say that there's no "I" in "team" but there is one in "wrestling."
 
There's no "i" in "team," "but there is an "i" in "motivation," "raise," and "chief executive officer."
 
Interesting.

There are a few I could probably safely remove, and there are some I'd need to add. People in my company are fond of some of these sayings at meetings:

"We will discuss that offline." Offline meaning one-on-one (or including only the relevent/involved/concerned parties) at another time other than during the meeting itself. This time typically never occurs and this saying is really just the pilot form of "Shut the fuck up, I don't want to talk to you about that or anything else, ever, moron!".

"The <blank> piece", where <blank> is the name or description of some topic, subject, concept, idea, etc. All of these types of things are referred to as "pieces" rather than as topics, subjects, concepts, ideas, etc. This phrase is typically combined with the foregoing, as in, "We will discuss your concerns with the operations piece offline."

"One meeting, please." Said when a few people appear to be having their own discussion and not paying attention to the meeting itself. Typically this is said when the person conducting the meeting is having a spontaneous in-meeting offline discussion with one person on some piece not relevent to the intended topic of the meeting, and is directed at the few people who take this time to discuss amongst themselves what the meeting is actually supposed to be about.
 
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