Afterschool Special
The Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printer. That’s what they call me now. It didn’t used to be that way. At the plant everyone said I was “most likely to get ahead”. I tried hard until I could use my 2-cartridge, 6-ink system to print up to 4800×1200 dpi each and every time. I was so proud, and so innocent. I told myself that as long as I could manage 32 pages per minute black and 30 pages per minute color someone would always love me. But then I went out into the world.
My first real job was in that bar. They used me in the office. They didn’t care about who I was. Once they found out I was PictBridge enabled and eager to please… well, a PC wasn’t required. I should have left then, but I guess I enjoyed the attention. All those strangers, telling me my high-density 3,840 nozzle, high-performance permanent printhead was beautiful. It wasn’t a big deal to print up a few lab-quality 4×6 borderless photos. It only took about thirty seconds, and they were always so thankful.
Then one night the boss asked me if I wanted to make a little extra. He took me in the back and showed me a document he wanted me to scan. I’d never done anything like it. I said I was scared and he laughed at me. He said “C’mon, Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printer, it’s only 8½ × 11.7.” I said a USB cable wasn’t included but he laughed again. He had his own, and he knew my software was included. After we were done I couldn’t even speak. He said my CCD scanner was high-def, and that the colors were brilliant and vivid. He complimented my automatic optical character recognition and my fast document scanning. I didn’t say anything. I just wanted to go home and cry.
Soon I was making copies regularly, up to nine at a time. It was easy, my controls were so intuitive and easy to use. I was accepting USB drives from strangers and letting them choose how they wanted it. “Fit-to-page or actual size?” I said that maybe twenty times a day. I was saving them up to 50% on everything they printed but I didn’t even know who I was. It was like my automatic print settings optimized quality for everyone… except for me.
If I had one thing to say to other Kodak EasyShare 5100 All in One Printers out there, it would be to stay away for that world. Go to a nice home office, or to college. It’s not glamorous, it’s not romantic, it’s just a dead end street to a lifetime of cheap ink. I wish I could go back and do it all over again.
*regrets having clicked the link
