I knew this was gonna happen...

Aunty Em

Aunty Em

Well-Known Member
... my eldest niece is flipping out. She has lost the plot and had a go at everyone in the my sister's house last night and this morning, ranting and raving and smashing things. I said right from the start that she wouldn't be able to cope and that she's not fit enough to look after her sister, but would any of them listen?... oh well, time to pick up the pieces... :rolleyes:
 
About a mile and a half as the crow flies. I've spoken to my niece Kayliegh(17) who moved back in a couple of weeks ago to help out running the place. Apparently Rachel (22) has handed over organising and paying all the bills to her!

For example, Rach got paid for 2 weeks last week and told me yesterday she has £5 left to last till next payday - I know she went out the other night and came home plastered. Plus she hasn't given Kay any money to put towards the bills!! Kay certainly doesn't have the money to pay all the bills herself. :eek:

When my sister was alive Rach gave her £25 a week for her board and that was it. She can't seem to understand that she is now responsible for her sister and that doesn't just include feeding her, she needs clothes, toiletries, etc. and she has to pay the bills. She needs to learn to budget.... FAST! I've tried to show her how but she just doesn't seem to get it and I can't keep baling her out, I haven't got it.

Rach also beat up Sophie and told her she wants her out which is not on. Kayliegh wants her sister to stay with her so we've contacted Social Services in the hope that they can help with some sort of support to enable that to happen - they're coming tomorrow at 11am. Of the four Kay is the one with the most sense and I think with the right sort of support they will be OK.

The trouble I find with young people is that it's no good telling them anything, you just have to let them get on with it, make their own mistakes and then help sort them out afterwards.

I knew right from the start that Rach didn't really want the responsibility of her sister, but I had to let them find out that it wasn't going to work for themselves. It was that or Sophie was determined to run off somewhere rather than stay with me. They're all so bloody stubborn and sure they are right but I think they've finally come to realise they do need help. Now we have to all sit down and find a solution that works.
 
That is ALOT of responsibility for a 22 y/o. Does Rachael even make enough money to pay all the bills? Seems to me Social Services would HAVE to offer financial assistance at least. See if you can get them to make it retroactive from when your sister passed away.
 
Rachel is in college part-time and gets income support (welfare) because she is signed off work with anxiety and depression - this is why I felt it wouldn't work, but they insisted! She doesn't pay rent or council tax, this is paid for her.

She's applied for additional money for her sister but until she gets the family allowance for her they won't pay her. I've been on to them and told her to keep hurrying them up, but she just won't do it - even just paying a bill or making an important phonecall seems to take her an entire day. I've even rung the number for her and started off the conversation so she can find out what's happening.

Kayliegh moved back in to help pay the bills as it's such a big house, but the council won't rehouse them until Rachel gets the money for Sophie - catch 22. I know it's a difficult situation but she doesn't help herself by refusing the help that is offered. She seems to think the SS are the enemy, when in reality in this situation they are there to help and should be able to cut through some of the red tape.

You say it's a lot of responsibility for a 22 year old, but she's not alone if only she would realise that - Sophie isn't a child she's nearly 16. My sister was on her own with a baby at 18 and I was on my own caring for sick people at that age too. My sister did the same thing my mum did and overprotected her kids. Michelle (20) and Kayliegh are the two who managed to cut the apron strings and stand on their own two feet. Rachel has got to learn to do the same.

I just feel frustrated with the whole situation and need to whinge about it to someone not involved. :(
 
Aunty, you have got to be one of the strongest persons I have ever met. Albeit through this forum. You've endured so much in the short time I've been here, and still you remain level headed, capable, and compassionate. You have my deepest respect.
 
Thanks Squiggy, but it's no more than a lot of other people do or would do in the same circumstances. :)
 
Ok, let me rephrase my responsibility statement. That is alot of responsibility for a 22 y/o, if she's not prepared for it...and it doesn't seem like she is. Also, even though a baby is a huge responsibility for an 18 y/o, it's a different type of responsibility. These younger kids are at the age where they are naturally trying to assert their independence. Generally a pain in the ass for many parents, who have been in charge since the kids were born. Rachael is trying to step into a job for which she has no experience and be in charge of kids that have opinions and agendas of their own. I think she's prolly overwhelmed. She asked for this responsibility, to prove she's an adult, but I'm guessing it's more than she bargained for.

Rachael reminds me of my older step daughter. This kids wants to be a grown up so bad, but she doesn't plan ahead to even the next week and she never considers the consequences of her actions. Then she gets in a bind and does nothing to try and fix it, then when it's beyond hopeless she wants me to make the phone calls to or do the leg work to straighten it out.

How is Sophie doing? Is she still going to that same school? Is she happy living with her sisters? ...or is she maybe seeing the light, that is might be easier to live with you and Katie?
 
Sophie's OK, she wants to stay with her sister Kayliegh and she is at the same school on reduced hours (17/week) with only 90% of her english and maths coursework to complete for the rest of this year. She gets support classes for 8 of those hours. If she keeps to the agreement she will be able to do the alternative year 11 at the college funded by the school. This would be a fresh start for her and she should be able to continue on a vocational course once she completes that year. Apparently the kids at school have also had a serious talking to and are being OK so she's attending and the social worker is arranging for her to have a named person whom she gets on with as someone she can go to if a problem occurs. Why the school couldn't just have done this before I don't know.

Rachel has gone off to her b/fs house and says she wants no more to do with it. Kayliegh has already been on to the child benefit people and been told that they will transfer the claim and all the backpay to her as she is the one looking after her sister and income support have said she can also claim for her sister too. I don't know why we just didn't do this from the start but I thought as she's only 17 she was too young to claim but apparently you can claim over 16 so long as they are in school. Actually I got it wrong because Kayliegh gets a training allowance not income support as she's on a government sponsered training scheme, which is why she can claim the IS for her sister.

The social worker is arranging for sophie to go to a teen activity group at Mind where she can get support and she wants to meet with Rachel and make sure she is getting the support she needs. I think once she no longer has the responsibility for her younger sister she will calm down and be much more reasonable. I am actually wondering whether she is a manic depressive as Kayliegh has told me some things about her past behaviour that I didn't know.
 
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