Justintime
Guest
In the year 3000, we will live in the Dar-ul-Aman ruled by a pious Khalifa and surrounded by the bounty our Lord promised us:
All men will be freed from the curse of razor-burns that has plagued mankind for centuries.
The women, cloaked in tent-like burqas (veils) will be protected from the sun and their complexions will blossom without help from Este Lauder.
The faithful will never again have to suffer just because the singular wife has a headache – they will be able to choose from a harem of four plus forty.
Children will not have to struggle with thirty textbooks and useless subjects like biology and European History – all they will need to do is "memorize one book, which holds all the answers". (Quran)
The state will provide free entertainment every Friday in the form of lashings, beheadings and stonings – G-rated fun for the whole family.
We won’t have to keep track of the Bank holidays, as all banks will be shut down once we do away with the curse of currency and go back to the blessing of barter trade.
Once the decadent internet is outlawed and the ISPs shut down, we will be spared the arbitrary pricing and bad service from the likes of AOL and @home.
Men will have more time for spiritual cleansing rites once the women are children are banished to the harem after the Majlis-I-Shoora passes the “Seldom Seen Never Heard” law.
Members of the Majlis will be able to consume mass quantities of halwa (fattening sweets) unfettered by the unislamic tie and belt.
No more traffic jams and pollution once we go back to riding camels and donkeys to uphold the Sunnah.
No more load-shedding once we harness the power of the jinns to produce zillions of megawatts in the Hazrat Suleiman Jinn Power Plant (HSJPP) – and to heck with the HUBCO!
As for the dastardly Indians, they won’t have the nerve to bother us once we have raised a few squadrons of Ababil (myth: birds who killed elephants by dropping pebbles from their beaks) and learned the art of parting the Ravi (a river in Indo Pakistan Sub Continent).
Once we have reached the required level of piety, we shall dine on Manna (Quail) and Salwa (another pre cooked divine food) from that big kitchen in the sky – who needs McDonalds and KFC.
The faithful will be spared the ignominy of buying liquor licenses from their non-Muslim “friends” because most be banished to Dar-ul-Harb for refusing to pay Jiziya.
We will be free from the curse of the blood-sucking lawyers once we establish the quick-and-dirty Islamic Justice system, which will be merged with the Ministry of Sports and Entertainment.
Government expenditure on education will be reduced by firing the likes of Dr. Hoodbhoy and merging the Quaid-i-Azam University with the one and only IU, whose Rector will also serve as the Imam (cleric) of the Faisal Masjid and head up the Institute of Research on Islamic Foods (in the pre-Salwa era.)
Islamic Research will finally solve the mysteries of the Composition of Milk and discover the cure for hoof-and -mouth disease (all hidden in the Quran as the faithful have claimed for centuries.
My brother-in-law, an under-employed physician and cricket purist, will be able to moonlight at the stadium amputating arms that chuck and beheading physicists who dare to think.
So, don’t let the lackeys of the West, the heretics and Hypocrites discourage you from following the True Path, the Sirat-ul-Mustaqeem, which will lead to salvation and glory for the Ummah. Those who stray from this path will suffer the ignominious 62-7 fate of the Miami Dolphins.
All men will be freed from the curse of razor-burns that has plagued mankind for centuries.
The women, cloaked in tent-like burqas (veils) will be protected from the sun and their complexions will blossom without help from Este Lauder.
The faithful will never again have to suffer just because the singular wife has a headache – they will be able to choose from a harem of four plus forty.
Children will not have to struggle with thirty textbooks and useless subjects like biology and European History – all they will need to do is "memorize one book, which holds all the answers". (Quran)
The state will provide free entertainment every Friday in the form of lashings, beheadings and stonings – G-rated fun for the whole family.
We won’t have to keep track of the Bank holidays, as all banks will be shut down once we do away with the curse of currency and go back to the blessing of barter trade.
Once the decadent internet is outlawed and the ISPs shut down, we will be spared the arbitrary pricing and bad service from the likes of AOL and @home.
Men will have more time for spiritual cleansing rites once the women are children are banished to the harem after the Majlis-I-Shoora passes the “Seldom Seen Never Heard” law.
Members of the Majlis will be able to consume mass quantities of halwa (fattening sweets) unfettered by the unislamic tie and belt.
No more traffic jams and pollution once we go back to riding camels and donkeys to uphold the Sunnah.
No more load-shedding once we harness the power of the jinns to produce zillions of megawatts in the Hazrat Suleiman Jinn Power Plant (HSJPP) – and to heck with the HUBCO!
As for the dastardly Indians, they won’t have the nerve to bother us once we have raised a few squadrons of Ababil (myth: birds who killed elephants by dropping pebbles from their beaks) and learned the art of parting the Ravi (a river in Indo Pakistan Sub Continent).
Once we have reached the required level of piety, we shall dine on Manna (Quail) and Salwa (another pre cooked divine food) from that big kitchen in the sky – who needs McDonalds and KFC.
The faithful will be spared the ignominy of buying liquor licenses from their non-Muslim “friends” because most be banished to Dar-ul-Harb for refusing to pay Jiziya.
We will be free from the curse of the blood-sucking lawyers once we establish the quick-and-dirty Islamic Justice system, which will be merged with the Ministry of Sports and Entertainment.
Government expenditure on education will be reduced by firing the likes of Dr. Hoodbhoy and merging the Quaid-i-Azam University with the one and only IU, whose Rector will also serve as the Imam (cleric) of the Faisal Masjid and head up the Institute of Research on Islamic Foods (in the pre-Salwa era.)
Islamic Research will finally solve the mysteries of the Composition of Milk and discover the cure for hoof-and -mouth disease (all hidden in the Quran as the faithful have claimed for centuries.
My brother-in-law, an under-employed physician and cricket purist, will be able to moonlight at the stadium amputating arms that chuck and beheading physicists who dare to think.
So, don’t let the lackeys of the West, the heretics and Hypocrites discourage you from following the True Path, the Sirat-ul-Mustaqeem, which will lead to salvation and glory for the Ummah. Those who stray from this path will suffer the ignominious 62-7 fate of the Miami Dolphins.
