Letting go of an identity

[IDLEchild]

So I have been in a daring mood as of late. Doing things i'd never imagined, taking mild risks. I don't know why but I am.

Recently I was advised to join this site where a lot of members are from my school. I did and found it to be pretty nice so far but the first thing I noticed as soon as I joined was that everyone there had bared their identity in full. From clear digital mugh shots to full on contact information.

From detailed lists of their personalities to meticulious outlining of their preferences and whatever else, neccessary, traits and preferences one lists when hunting for social game. So was I to do the same? Well it is no doubt that these hipsters are looking for friendships or even physical gratification or else they wouldn't be so candid about their personalities...or are they? I mean everything they put down...is it really that incriminating against them? Can it be used in anyway against them? Logic states no (besides the contact info that is) so why am I so hesitent to still put any inkling of my existance down? These people realize: "who cares, it's just me describing myself, not giving away my social security number for free"

Don't get me wrong...after much tenacious effort in my head I finally put up a heavily doctored picture of me (its filtered up the ying yang but my face and its foundations are clear) yet when it came time to edit personal info I lied and jokingly filled out most of the fields....why? Not like my dreams and preferences can be used against me? So why do I remain so hesitent about letting any part of my identity out on the net or even real life (I have made doging personal questions into an art form now)

Take the members of OTC for an example. Some of you are very candid about your lives...everything from the mundane to the personal is bared here by some of you. From self portraits to sharing family pictures...that type of participation boggles me. How? I know the amazement and awe is all mine because I am aviodant but I can't seem to understand why I care so much about something no one really cares about: My mundane details of me.

take this thread for example.....for you, maybe, its nothing other than another personal dilemma or rant...for me it is vulrenability in exercise. I had to think 3 times before starting this thread? This paranoia isn't safe anymore, I thought it was.....it really isn't. Though this thread says I am trying....

...hehe...

maybe i'll give Photo gallery thread a shot.

 

[Inkara1]

People who meet potential dating partners on the internet tend to really hate surprises. It's an hour's drive for me to see Annie, and gas costs $2.20 a gallon out here, so I wouldn't have made the drive if I hadn't found out a good bit about her beforehand. Naturally, she didn't have a lot of stuff on her yahoo profile, but we had a few good conversations before meeting. If your info is obviously a joke, you probably won't find many dates on that site because, like real estate, a lot of people never seem want to make any sort of investment completely site-unseen.

 

[tank girl]

Kudos, IC. For some people its seemingly easy - to speak and act 'transparently' through the void of internet communication as if it were no different from talking on the phone.

For me its not so simple, so I sympathise with you and believe that whatever you choose - it is totally up to you. The internet is the social plane of interactive virtuality - it comes and allows you to do what you want with it. I think that is a good thing - we've already got reality right?? Whats the point of replication of existing reality when you can use the opportunity to do so much more with it. I think it offers so many outlets and that this is a good opprotunity for some people that find it hard in real life to manage with certain aspects socially to re-create a whole new social dimension in which they can interact and have few restrictions over the way they chose to.

That is the amazing thing and I think it is really stupid to bypass the fact that this is a virtual dimension - however you want to represent yourself is entirely up to you - stuff what everyone else says or does - as long as it is on healthy and moral grounds (in the case of paedophiles and criminals etc its a different story) there is nothing that says you shouldn't be, you shouldn'd create what you want out of your online persona. This is virtuality after all : its your choice.

A really brave thing to come out and share by the way - thats what I love the most about this forum - you can be open and honest and free with your ideas and opinions and I think that it is much harder to be honest when you are confronted in reality - becase there is so much that interferes with that - so many forces that are hard to describe but are inextricably woven in the fabric of our social lives...it somehow allows you not to feel so alone when you can interact and share like this. *hugsssss* each to his own, I saay.

 

[Starya]

Sounds like you've joined OkCupid..

I totally get your point. And, I felt that way before. No way was anyone gonna know who I really was, or what I looked like. Now, I'm less hesitant to throw out a pic or tell stuff about my life (that probably isn't all that interesting to others anyways).

Why it changed? I have no idea really. I was on this closed forum, felt daring one day, and threw out a pic. Before I knew it, my face was spread around on different sites (by me, of course). Another thing is, I don't really have any close friends in RL. I have family and aquaintances, but that's pretty much it. Basically, I'm too shy to get closer to people than that. Maybe because I'm afraid they won't like me or something silly like that. But, by putting myself (the real me) out there a bit on the net, I have come into contact with people in a different way than I could in RL. I guess I'm hoping that'll rub off to my RL too, eventually.

 

[ClaireBear]

Personally... Im me... I'm me here... I'm me anywhere else on the net...

Some may find it silly (I was caught out by my ex) but I find it cathartic...

I don't give a lot if details away... but what I give can provide an indepth picture of the kind of gal I am... which is the fucked up screwy kind! I can understand your concerns though... basically if you feel the need to open up... do. If you don't no one knows you're not... its not a problem... so dont!

 

[unclehobart]

I post almost anything and everything about my life. I've ponied up pics, name, number, address ...and even offered a would be assassin a limo ride to my house to do the deed if he felt so inclined. I'm a fairly open book on the net. Living behind a smokescreen is so... tiring.

 

[Leslie]

Don't push it IC. Just find a little happy medium that you can live with. Maybe a photo is too much to let out quite yet. I can fully understand not being comfortable posting one. Generic details might be a better place to start. Job, city of residence, dating/marital status, etc. Noone would know "who" you were, but they'd have a bit of a better idea who they're talking to.

 

[catocom]

I post almost anything and everything about my life. I've ponied up pics, name, number, address ...and even offered a would be assassin a limo ride to my house to do the deed if he felt so inclined. I'm a fairly open book on the net. Living behind a smokescreen is so... tiring.

I think I've got that thread in archive somewhere if only jjr would OK me using it.

I used to be very paranoid about even getting online, much less putting out
any real personal info, but for business purposes I had too, eventually.

I have a set of things, I don't mind sharing, but others only to selected people,
and still others that will never be known.

I guess if I was a 16 year old girl, I'd bee more careful.

 

[abooja]

I am who I am -- here, on my own site and in real life. Granted, I don't speak to strangers off the street as carelessly as I do here. I don't do it at all, actually. I have always been quite introverted and shy, but far less than I was earlier in life. This medium has allowed me to be much more expressive than I've ever been able to in real life except with people I know quite well. I'm a bit more confrontational. For instance, I would never in a million years interject my unsolicited opinion about this or that to someone I just happened by but, on message boards, I do it fairly regularly. Still, my real life modesty and sense of politeness prevents me from adopting a brash, obnoxiously confrontational alterego (though some might disagree), which is why I consider myself quite real, even in virtual reality.

Not that anyone asked.

 

[Dave]

being a little paranoid about personal info on-line isnt necessarily a bad thing. takes awhile to get a feel for the people in the forum. all you have to go on is a few mug shots and lines of text. the majority of information you get from people is in the form of non-verbal cues. can be very difficult to ascertain if someone is legit or just yanking your chain in an on-line enviroment.
took me awhile before i was comfortable enough to start dishing out personal info too. i'm glad i did. i've gotten to interact with some very nice people that i wouldnt have otherwise been able to.

 

[Mare]

being a little paranoid about personal info on-line isnt necessarily a bad thing. takes awhile to get a feel for the people in the forum. all you have to go on is a few mug shots and lines of text. the majority of information you get from people is in the form of non-verbal cues. can be very difficult to ascertain if someone is legit or just yanking your chain in an on-line enviroment.
took me awhile before i was comfortable enough to start dishing out personal info too. i'm glad i did. i've gotten to interact with some very nice people that i wouldnt have otherwise been able to.

YEAH!!!
What he said.....

 

[HomeLAN]

I'm not going to give out my SSN or anything, but I am here who I am IRL. My life is complicated enough, I don't need to juggle another identity.

Then again, I'm a functioning adult. My kid's going to be blocked 8 ways from Sunday until I think he's mature enough to handle it, and even then I'm going to be checking up on him. Erasing your history will be a punishable offense in my house. I'll simply assume you blanked out a day because you were up to no good.

 

[Luis G]

I'm not going to give out my SSN or anything, but I am here who I am IRL. My life is complicated enough, I don't need to juggle another identity.

Then again, I'm a functioning adult. My kid's going to be blocked 8 ways from Sunday until I think he's mature enough to handle it, and even then I'm going to be checking up on him. Erasing your history will be a punishable offense in my house. I'll simply assume you blanked out a day because you were up to no good.

what if he only erases the nasty sites?

 

[HomeLAN]

He'd better get really damn good if he's going to fool me. Plus, if I think he HAS developed to that level, I'll install a keystroke logger. God help him if he disables it.

Seriously, giving your kid unfettered access to the net is asking for it.

 

[IDLEchild]

If your info is obviously a joke, you probably won't find many dates on that site because, like real estate, a lot of people never seem want to make any sort of investment completely site-unseen.

Nah...online dating is far too ecentric for me. It isn't even about being secretive about one's self....I just find the face to face sociolizing a lot more grounded.

The internet is the social plane of interactive virtuality - it comes and allows you to do what you want with it. I think that is a good thing - we've already got reality right?? Whats the point of replication of existing reality when you can use the opportunity to do so much more with it. I think it offers so many outlets and that this is a good opprotunity for some people that find it hard in real life to manage with certain aspects socially to re-create a whole new social dimension in which they can interact and have few restrictions over the way they chose to.

True but why? Simply because the physical element is absent? That shouldn't make one more confident, more fertile, more potent with their words. The internet makes everyone a faceless critic, intellectual, comedian but where are these zealous people in real lives. Internet is a great oppertunity to expand one's interests but to create new personas to express their inner desires speaks of one's weaknesses rather than self expression IMO.

it somehow allows you not to feel so alone when you can interact and share like this. *hugsssss* each to his own, I saay.

Yes...feeling alone in "reality" shouldn't happen in the first place if one wishes to show other sides of their personas.

 

[catocom]

True but why? Simply because the physical element is absent? That shouldn't make one more confident, more fertile, more potent with their words.

true.
It seems all it does is make you less credible when you do want to be taken
serious, and have credibility.
Unless as Inky said, you make it a pretty obvious joke to start with.

 

[Winky]

The internet is merely another facet of reality.

The people behind the pixels are real
the names have been changed to protect the guilty.