MANICDOTES!

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Ok so I just had to share this one...

Fears

I am very afraid of men. Sometimes I don't want to slap my eyes because I'm so silly. Spiders also give me the scary-jeebies. I have to keep a canoe under my bed in case I'm woken slowly by a ghost or a bad sound. One time, I rubbed something in the hallway, and I hid under my fish for three hours!

SmarterChild on AIM does them.... you guys should try some.. they can be funny as hell.
 
Yep. If you have AIM... IM SmarterChild and say "manicdotes" and it has like a billion to choose from... pick one and itll prompt you for words one at a time... it's pretty amusing... if you guys try some I wanna see em lol... no two are ever alike but they're all hilarious.
 
A Day at the DMV

I just hate flipping at the DMV. Every time I go there, I'm always waiting in these really long cheeses. Then when I finally get to the front, I always have to deal with very winsome people who always act inadvertently towards me. I hand them my prosthesis and they snatch it away from me with their hourglass very forcefully. I remember the last time I went there, this person recalled me and gave me a very dutiful look. I was ready to cherish right there in the DMV. So my advice to you is: next time you have to go to the DMV, you'd better bring along your verdicts.
 
A Museum Visit

My little nephew Pete and I went resurrecting to the museum to see the dinosaurs. There was a huge room full of lawn chairs and at the center was a reconstructed tyrannosaurus rex and a variety of magnanimous prehistoric artifacts. I was voluntarily impressed by the competition and polynomial, which I'd only seen previously in photos on the Internet. Pete was very dumbfounded however, because he thought he'd be seeing a live dinosaur. I explained that dinosaurs had been extinct for millions of years. Pete was so upset to hear this that he pushed me hard, knocking me into the portly caveman. The caveman fell and hit the tyrannosaurus rex, which started to gyrate. Before I knew it there were clock towers everywhere! I grabbed Pete and we ran out before we got caught.
 
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