Material Safety Data Sheet for Women

[Sharky]

Well, since Federal Law requires an MSDS to be posted when volatile materials are present in the workplace, I figured I would bring OTC into compliance.

Here's the MSDS for: Women

ELEMENT: Woman
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs. but known to vary from
100 to 550 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities in all urban areas

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various stages from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious
stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously if left alone with a male.
4. Insoluble in most liquids, but activity greatly increased by
saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be great aid to relaxation.

TESTS:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in
natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

PRECAUTIONS:
1. Highly dangerous even in experienced hands.
2. User must have the ability to read minds.
3. Known to distort reality.
4. Illegal to posses more than one.
5. Inexpensive to acquire.
6. Incredibly costly to dispose of.

 

[tonksy]

...sharky, when i was on the boat, i was in charge of the MSDS's for my department..i kept the masterfolder on my desk...i can't tell you how many times those damn knuckleheads slipped that in my binder...thanks for the memories.

 

[A.B.Normal]

 

[Inkara1]

 

[Sharky]

 

[SexyBoo]

 

[Luis G]

 

[AlphaTroll]

Ahem.....and for the girls:

MSDS (Material Safety Data Sheet) For Men
Element : Man
Symbol : Ah (short for Asshole)
Quantitative : Accepted at 7 inches though some isotopes can be as short as 4 inches.
Discoverer : Eve (discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs)
Occurrence : Found following duel element Wo, often in high concentration near a perfect Wo specimen.

Physical properties :
a) Surface often covered with hair; bristly in some areas, soft in others.
b) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense, melts if treated like a God.
c) Obnoxious when mixed with C*H*-OH (any alcohol).
d) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
e) Tends to fall into very low energy state directly after reaction with Wo
(Snore... zzzzz).
f) Gains considerable mass as specimen ages, loses reactive nature.
g) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
h) Rarely found in pure form after 14th year.
i) Often damaged as a direct result of unlucky reaction with polluted form of the Wo common ore.
j) When pressure is applied, becomes stiff and unyielding; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied

Chemical properties :
a) All forms desire reaction with Wo, even when no further reaction is possible.
b) May react with several Wo isotopes in short period under extremely favorable conditions.
c) Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to Wo.
d) Usually willing to react with whatever is available.
e) Reaction Rates range from aborted/non-existent to pre-interaction effects
(which tend to turn the specimen bright red).
f) Reaction styles vary from extremely slow, calm and wet to violent/bloody.
g) When saturated with alcohols, will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
h) Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
i) Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
j) Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.

Storage :
a) Best results apparently near 18 for high reaction rate, 25-35 for favorable reaction style.

Uses :
a) Heavy boxes, top shelves, long walks late at night, free dinners for Wo...
b) Can be used in recreational activities.

Tests :
a) Pure specimen will rarely reveal purity, while reacted specimens broadcast information on many wavelengths.

Caution :
a) Tends to react extremely violently when other Man interferes with reaction to a particular Wo specimen. Otherwise very maleable under correct conditions.