Obligatory pope joke thread

chcr

Too cute for words
Unashamedly stolen from another forum:
Archbishop Hans Grapje was raised in a Catholic school
in the Hague. As a young man, he aspired to become a
priest, but was drafted into the army during WWII. He spent
two years flying aboard B17s as a co-pilot until, in 1943,
his aircraft was shot down and he lost his left arm.

Still enscripted, Hans spent the remainder of the war as
a chaplain, giving spiritual advice and last rights to dying
soldiers, allied and enemy. He was renowned for his
ecumenical tenderness and compassion.

After the war, Grapje became a priest and served as a
missionary throughout Africa. In spite of his handicap,
he was noted for piloting his own bush plane into the
deepest, most primitive villages to spread the church's
message and charity to the impoverished.

In 1997, then Archbishop Grapje was serving at an outpost
in Zimbabwe, when an explosion in one of the country's
vast silver mines caused a catastrophic cave-in. The
archbishop, in spite of his seniority, went down into
several of the shafts to administer last rights to those
who would never escape. He was in one of these shafts
when it partially caved in, trapping him and several rescuers.

Although he was rescued three days later, he suffered
several painful injuries, including one that cost him his
right eye. Additionally, the silver content in the shaft's air
supply had poisoned him, causing his skin to take an
indigo hue - a condition known as conjunctiva - that
persists to this day.

Although the Cardinal has devoted, and indeed risked, his
life in the service of God for nearly 70 years, as a scholar,
a mentor, and the epitome of a holy man, church politics
preclude his ascension to the Papacy.

Church leaders have made it clear they didn't want
a one-eyed, one armed, flying, purple, Papal leader.
 
And another:
Twas Benedict in the shiny clothes
He gyred and gimbled in the wabe,
All mimsy were the Catholic droves
And the PopeRatz did outgrabe.

Beware God’s Rottweiler, my son,
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
“Beware the use of condoms and shun
The Homo-men and Lesbi-snatch”

He took his vorpal scepter in hand,
Long time the men-Homo he sought,
So rested he in Vatican City
And stood a while in thought.

And in uffish thought he stood
The Rottweiler with eyes of flame
He waffled about what reconciliation he would
Burble forth when his time came!

But one two one two, and thru and thru the papal bull went snicker snak!
Relativism dead and with its head he went galumphing back.
And hast thou slain Atheist, Muslim, Homo and Jew?
Come to my arms! My Panzer boy!
Oh frabjous day! Callooh, Calay! He chortled in his joy.

Twas Benedict in the shiny clothes
He gyred and gimbled in the wabe,
All mimsy were the Catholic droves
And the PopeRatz did outgrabe.
 
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