markjs
Banned
I found out last night. I've been sick, and was taking a nap around 8:30pm PDT when I was awoken to my sister's phonecall, and this terrible news. My mother has got lung cancer, inoperable, and they don't know how long she has, because they need further testing, but her vitals are still strong.
I've already lost my father, and my step mother is living with my loser piece-of-shit tweaker brother-in-law, and that's a whole sad, sick, long story that would be absolutely hilarious if not for being so pathetic and personally painful. Still perhaps when I feel a little better I will tell you about that guy. When, and if I do, you'll very likely hate him as much if not more than I do. I wouldn't be surprised if someone offered to off the piece of shit for me, it's literelly that bad. Not that anyone here would do that, but if they did I would not be surprised. Still as I've already said that's another story for another time. The only real point in bringing it up is that short of my baby half sister, my immediate family is just about gone, or completely alienated from me.
So, since this is a political hotbutton issue, let me start by addressing that. Even if I was fielding calls from ambulance chasing attorneys, desperate to "help me", pro bono, I wouldn't go trying to sue big tobbacco for it. I know enough about addiction to know that while it is a disease, and while it is very difficult to break free of, the bottom line is that addicts are still responsible for their recovery, and if they don't do their part, you can't hold the drug, or even the company that makes it, and markets it responsible.
By that same token I believe that for those same folks who are always crying "personal responsibility", but then on the other hand blaming drug dealers for killing their children, well, there I call BULLSHIT! Personal responsibility or not? Which is it? Is a legal drug dealer somehow morally superior to an illegal one? Even I don't have that answer, but if your kids get on drugs, it is either your fault for not eductaing them properly or theirs for ignoring your love and teaching, or some combo of the two. It's not the fault of the drug dealer, any more than the death of my mother will be big tobbacco's fault. She knew that smoking was deadly, yet she continued, and she has nobody really to blame, but herself. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't naive enough to follow the camp that says there is no real convincing evidence to suggest that smoking is harmful.
If a person breaks the law and deals drugs, let them be held accountable, but blaming them for the faults of their clients, is the antithesis of those of you screaming "personal responsibily" are arguing. It's faulty logic, and hypocrisy pure and simple. Before some of you get your panties in a bunch and tell me you don't hold drug dealers responsible for the people addicted, you should realize that I don't know whether you do or don't, nor do I care, and I am not trying to start a debate, or argue politics, or any of that. I am just trying to get out how I feel about this whole thing, in writing, more for my own benefit than any of yours. I just chose to share it here, because sometimes, whether it's true or not, I get the feeling that some of you think I am a lot different than I really am. Also, I am really not too private of a person. I have nothing really to hide, and I am comfortable sharing this here. I also respect most of you enough, and know enough about you, that, political leanings aside, I know you will, understand, empathize, and be kind in this matter.
Am I angry at big tobbacco for all their tactics, and marketing practices over the years, and do I think they have acted shamefully in the name of profit? Sure I am, you bet I am, but what really does this have to do with my mother, and her unwillingness, and/or inability to quit smoking and stay stopped? Not a lot that I can see. She quit, for a long period of time years ago, and I am pretty convinced, that had she not picked up the habit again, that she wouldn't be dying of lung cancer now. The fact is she did pick it up again, knowing full well the risks, and now she and my little sister and myself are paying the price for her decision, and we have nobody to blame but her.
I still have as yet to talk to her, since I got this news. My relationship with her is a difficult one. We love each other dearly but for reasons I won't go into, it's still very hard communicating with her at times. I need to call the hospital and talk to her today, and I am dreading it.
I do know her enough to know she doesn't blame anyone but herself either. I am sure there is some amount of self pity on her part, but in such situations their always is. Nobody wants to die prematurely, and especially an ugly death like lung cancer brings. It's hard not to feel sorry for yourself, and be angry at yourself, when there is nobody to blame but yourself.
The bottom line is that I am losing my mom and it hurts and nothing in the world will make it better. Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your well wishes.
I've already lost my father, and my step mother is living with my loser piece-of-shit tweaker brother-in-law, and that's a whole sad, sick, long story that would be absolutely hilarious if not for being so pathetic and personally painful. Still perhaps when I feel a little better I will tell you about that guy. When, and if I do, you'll very likely hate him as much if not more than I do. I wouldn't be surprised if someone offered to off the piece of shit for me, it's literelly that bad. Not that anyone here would do that, but if they did I would not be surprised. Still as I've already said that's another story for another time. The only real point in bringing it up is that short of my baby half sister, my immediate family is just about gone, or completely alienated from me.
So, since this is a political hotbutton issue, let me start by addressing that. Even if I was fielding calls from ambulance chasing attorneys, desperate to "help me", pro bono, I wouldn't go trying to sue big tobbacco for it. I know enough about addiction to know that while it is a disease, and while it is very difficult to break free of, the bottom line is that addicts are still responsible for their recovery, and if they don't do their part, you can't hold the drug, or even the company that makes it, and markets it responsible.
By that same token I believe that for those same folks who are always crying "personal responsibility", but then on the other hand blaming drug dealers for killing their children, well, there I call BULLSHIT! Personal responsibility or not? Which is it? Is a legal drug dealer somehow morally superior to an illegal one? Even I don't have that answer, but if your kids get on drugs, it is either your fault for not eductaing them properly or theirs for ignoring your love and teaching, or some combo of the two. It's not the fault of the drug dealer, any more than the death of my mother will be big tobbacco's fault. She knew that smoking was deadly, yet she continued, and she has nobody really to blame, but herself. She wasn't stupid, and she wasn't naive enough to follow the camp that says there is no real convincing evidence to suggest that smoking is harmful.
If a person breaks the law and deals drugs, let them be held accountable, but blaming them for the faults of their clients, is the antithesis of those of you screaming "personal responsibily" are arguing. It's faulty logic, and hypocrisy pure and simple. Before some of you get your panties in a bunch and tell me you don't hold drug dealers responsible for the people addicted, you should realize that I don't know whether you do or don't, nor do I care, and I am not trying to start a debate, or argue politics, or any of that. I am just trying to get out how I feel about this whole thing, in writing, more for my own benefit than any of yours. I just chose to share it here, because sometimes, whether it's true or not, I get the feeling that some of you think I am a lot different than I really am. Also, I am really not too private of a person. I have nothing really to hide, and I am comfortable sharing this here. I also respect most of you enough, and know enough about you, that, political leanings aside, I know you will, understand, empathize, and be kind in this matter.
Am I angry at big tobbacco for all their tactics, and marketing practices over the years, and do I think they have acted shamefully in the name of profit? Sure I am, you bet I am, but what really does this have to do with my mother, and her unwillingness, and/or inability to quit smoking and stay stopped? Not a lot that I can see. She quit, for a long period of time years ago, and I am pretty convinced, that had she not picked up the habit again, that she wouldn't be dying of lung cancer now. The fact is she did pick it up again, knowing full well the risks, and now she and my little sister and myself are paying the price for her decision, and we have nobody to blame but her.
I still have as yet to talk to her, since I got this news. My relationship with her is a difficult one. We love each other dearly but for reasons I won't go into, it's still very hard communicating with her at times. I need to call the hospital and talk to her today, and I am dreading it.
I do know her enough to know she doesn't blame anyone but herself either. I am sure there is some amount of self pity on her part, but in such situations their always is. Nobody wants to die prematurely, and especially an ugly death like lung cancer brings. It's hard not to feel sorry for yourself, and be angry at yourself, when there is nobody to blame but yourself.
The bottom line is that I am losing my mom and it hurts and nothing in the world will make it better. Thanks for reading, and thanks in advance for your well wishes.
Sorry about the bad news, Mark.
