tonksy
New Member
i found this old, old navy email joke...i've editted out the crappy ones but these are very accurate:
if you would like to know what shipboard life is like, just try the following:
1. buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
2. run all your piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.
3. perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
4. on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on tuesdays and thursdays turn it down to 10 degress. and on sundays declare to your family that they are using too much water so all showering is now "secured".
5. have your next door neighbor come over every morning at 5am and blow a whistle so loud that helen keller could hear it and shout "reveille, reveille- all hands heave out!"
6. have your mother-in-law write down everything she plans on doing the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.
7. submit a request to your father-in-law asking him if it's okay if you leave the house before 3pm.
8. invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, board up the windows and doors for 6 months...then when 6 months is up watch everyone leave as you wave to your friends and family because you have duty and can't leave until the next day.
9. shower with the above mentioned friends.
10. make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (ie. dishwater operator, toaster technician)
11. walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.
12. sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. this is to ensure your engine is properly "lit-off".
13. empty all garbage cans and sweep the driveway every 4 hours whether it needs it or not.
14. repaint your entire house once a month.
15. cook all your food blindfolded, groping for any seasonings you can find.
16. have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month...losing every 5th item.
17. spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your home but watch only CNN and the weather channel.
18. have your 5 year old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
19. sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
20. needle gun the side of your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.
21. just as your family has fallen asleep, run through the house shouting that the house is under attack and have everyone "man their battlestations".
22. post a menu on the refrigerator door informing everyone that you are having steak for dinner, have them wait in line in the hallway for an hour, when you finally serve them tell them that you are now out of steak and hand them a steamed, gray hotdog.
23. repeat until they no longer pay attention and just ask for the hotdog.
if you would like to know what shipboard life is like, just try the following:
1. buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.
2. run all your piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the walls.
3. perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.
4. on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays turn your water temperature up to 200 degrees, then on tuesdays and thursdays turn it down to 10 degress. and on sundays declare to your family that they are using too much water so all showering is now "secured".
5. have your next door neighbor come over every morning at 5am and blow a whistle so loud that helen keller could hear it and shout "reveille, reveille- all hands heave out!"
6. have your mother-in-law write down everything she plans on doing the following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and read it to you.
7. submit a request to your father-in-law asking him if it's okay if you leave the house before 3pm.
8. invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, board up the windows and doors for 6 months...then when 6 months is up watch everyone leave as you wave to your friends and family because you have duty and can't leave until the next day.
9. shower with the above mentioned friends.
10. make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home (ie. dishwater operator, toaster technician)
11. walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15 minutes.
12. sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. this is to ensure your engine is properly "lit-off".
13. empty all garbage cans and sweep the driveway every 4 hours whether it needs it or not.
14. repaint your entire house once a month.
15. cook all your food blindfolded, groping for any seasonings you can find.
16. have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month...losing every 5th item.
17. spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your home but watch only CNN and the weather channel.
18. have your 5 year old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.
19. sew back pockets to the front of your pants.
20. needle gun the side of your house after your neighbors have gone to bed.
21. just as your family has fallen asleep, run through the house shouting that the house is under attack and have everyone "man their battlestations".
22. post a menu on the refrigerator door informing everyone that you are having steak for dinner, have them wait in line in the hallway for an hour, when you finally serve them tell them that you are now out of steak and hand them a steamed, gray hotdog.
23. repeat until they no longer pay attention and just ask for the hotdog.
