some groaners

[paul_valaru]

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

--Ask your Mom.


How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?

--Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.


How do you know you're leading a sad life?

--When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."


What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus
and a yeast infection?

--An itchy, twitchy twat.


Do you know why ghosts don't make noise when they make love?

--Because they have hollow weenies!


What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?

--A cock that stays up all night.


Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day.
What do single guys have?

--Palm Sunday

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts?

--Her navel.


What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

--A bingo machine.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?

--"Are you sure it's mine?"


What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?

--Beer nuts are a $1. 25 but deer nuts are always under a buck.


What three two-letter words denote "small"?

--"Is it in?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during s ex?

--Mace will do that to you.

If you are having sex with t wo women and one more woman walks in, what do you have?

--Divorce proceedings, most likely.


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?

--Everyone has the same DNA.

 

[Starya]

 

[chcr]

What's the ultimate rejection?
--When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

 

[Inkara1]

What's the difference between a slut and a bitch?

A slut would fuck anyone. A bitch would fuck anyone EXCEPT FOR YOU.

 

[AlphaTroll]

How do you know when you're REALLY ugly?

When visiting the Neverland Ranch Michael Jackson lets you sleep in your own bed???

 

[chcr]

When visiting the Neverland Ranch Michael Jackson lets you sleep in your own bed???

That only applies to young boys.

 

[Luis G]

That only applies to young boys.

Then you'd know that your old........and ugly

 

[Winky]

Subject:The school play


Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their
first school play ... It was to be a Shakespearean play.



The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden .. I have come to
snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."



The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark!, a pistol shot."



Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys
were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be
filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on
the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain
goes up. The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two
boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered
for them to begin.



The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words .



"My fair maiden ... I have come to kiss your snatch!
And fill your hole with soap."



The second boy screams out .. "Hark! a shistol pot,
a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit
... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway ...................



The audience left howling