This really isn't acceptable is it.

ClaireBear

Banned
Once again to cut a long story sort...

Saturday night... spent from 7 - 11 with his friends going to pubs I wouldn't be seen DEAD in to keep them and him happy... Met up with my sister and went to the Rock night at a club on the other side of town so she could meet up with her ex and hopefully get back together...

I went off to find said ex saying to Ade "Wait with Bex I'm going off to find Craig and sort stuff" I did find the lad in question and stood for about 10-15 mins chatting about things... I was making head way! He admitted he still loves her... til Bex came across.

"Ade's kicking off... you'd better go speak to him!"
"Why?"
"Cos you left him alone..."

So I wanders over to him... his face is tripping him up... really petulent.

"Whats up?" *peck on the cheek*
"Nothing"
"Its not nothing is it?... Tell me!"
"Where did you go? You left me!"
"Yeah... sure I did... I went to find and speak to Craig which I did and have... besides two factors make this a complete whine and whinge Ade 1) You weren't alone you're with Bex and 2) You're a bloke.. you have a penis! What ill can come of it if you're alone in a club for 15 minutes? I'm getting another drink...bottle of Becks?"

At the bar Bex sidles up
"You should have heard him bitching about you! Wooo-hoooo! Man!"
"Really? He didn't say much to me... I hate people like that so two faced... I fooking told him what I was doing... he's been weird all fricking night... bad enough I ended up in those shitholes with him and his mates and he rewards me with this!"

"I'm leaving!" *Adrian walks up behind us*
"What?.. .I've just got you a beer!.. Here... talk to me!"
"Na... I'm off!"
"No! Talk to me!... Look maybe I have been thoughtless but I didn't think it was bad just to leave you for a little"
"I would never ever leave you!"
"Yeah but I'm a woman! I wouldn't care if you left me but be aware I'm not responsible for the crowd of blokes cracking on to me... and besides you're way too paranoid to ever leave me alone!"
"With good reason!"
"What the fuck is that meant to mean!?"

I am getting increasingly angry... I've had a bit to drink... so has he! However he is emotionless... standing propped up against a drink ledge... totally impassioned looking down on me...

"You're such a drama queen Ade! It was less than 20 minutes! What was I meant to do? "Wait there Craig just gotta clock in with the bloke!" The moment would have gone... and having you with me! Would that work if say you went across to speak to the ex of your sister or best mate? No!"
"I'm going... " *Ade turns to get his coat from the cloak*
"No! No!... come back!" *I grab his arm dragging him back* "Talk to me!... I'm sorry don't go!"
"Let go! I'm going... its over!"
"No! No!"

I'm crying now... I've finished my Bacardi and I've started on his Becks!

We go on like this in circles... him saying I'd left him... me pointing out it was for only about 15 minutes... admitting I was thoughtless and that I love him, him threatening to leave... I'm getting more and more irrate and emotional him blank and expressionless seemingly almost revelling in my upset.

"You love this don't you? Me upset like this! Well I don't I don't need this emotional fuckwittage from you... I was thoughtless but thats me isn't it! "

*he turns to go once again*

I panic! Run round infront of him... hands on chest pushing him back to the post where we were standing before... I'm really crying now! Screaming! I'm glad its a rock night and the punters are used to that kinda crap! He moves away again... me pulls him back again

"No! No! No! Don't do this to me! I've done nothing wrong... nothing wrong! I love you!"

"Claire!" *he's smiling... maybe even laughing* "I'm just going to the gents... I'm desperate for a piss!" I smile back unsure... he hugs and kisses me... goes to the loo and comes back... I assumed we'd "made-up" on his return he starts things over again!

Things do die down... things are a bit hazy... I'm a bit drunk... we go off to find Bex who's with Craig... things are going well for them. We leave the club as a foursome and experience difficulties in getting a hackney... we end up in the back of Craig's mate's van pretending to be cargo! Al would lose his license otherwise... its a laugh and we all end up back at Craigs where private hire taxis are called... I seriously can't remember much... I think I'm on the sofa... my head on Ade's shoulder... dead drunk.

The taxi heading to Ade's arrives he says "C'mon Claire... lets go!" I stumble about get my boots on and get my coat on... I'm taking a while getting out the house... these are old friends of mine we haven't seen eachother in months... years in some instances... there's good byes to be made. Bex is drunk too I'm making sure she's okay.

"Claire c'mon! Are you coming or not?... Look either you come now or its over! Now c'mon!" *he clicks his fingers at me* I tell him I'm not coming "Not after that... how dare you?"

Guy slams the door on him as he saunters up the garden path and into the cab... "Wow! Darlin' you've changed... was a time you'd have been running after him with nil self respect... proud of you darl'"
"Get me another drink Guy please"

I have another Tia-maria, vodka and coke and we listen to some music... chat and have a laugh... Bex and Craig are sorting through stuff arguing in the kitchen... I drink too much and end up being sick... Guy follows me to the loo to make sure I'm okay...

"You okay Darl?"
"Yeah just drank too much... I did do the right thing yeah?"
"What with the bummer lad?"
"He's not gay Guy!"
"I know... yeah sure. The lad seemed a bit of a prick to me!"

I end up falling asleep on the sofa... Guy puts his duvet over me... God knows what he used... Bex and Craig "make-up" in Craig's room... in the morning hungover we all stumble about the house and taxis are called to take us home.

Adrian doesn't call all day... I end up calling him on Sunday night. He says that something was said by me outside the club that upset him... he won't say what his voice wavers when he talks about it and I can't rememebr what went on! He apologises for the ultimatum... he understands it was wrong of him. He says he needed me that night... I told him that if was honest about why and told me instead of ordering me about I'd have gladly been with him. He says he wants "more space" we only see each other twice a week!!! How much space does he want?...

I dunno... I guess many of you were right... he is extremely controlling... I feel a fool for defending him the last time.
 

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
Don't feel too bad about that, at least you've seen it now. As long as you do something about it.

You could have been the fool defending him after he's punched you around. 'Cause he's sorry and all, and he loves you.



The needing space thing is either a) a play to make you go cowering back and begging or b) he just wants out and doesn't have the balls to tell you.

Either way, run. Far.
 

ClaireBear

Banned
Leslie said:
Don't feel too bad about that, at least you've seen it now. As long as you do something about it.

You could have been the fool defending him after he's punched you around. 'Cause he's sorry and all, and he loves you.



The needing space thing is either a) a play to make you go cowering back and begging or b) he just wants out and doesn't have the balls to tell you.

Either way, run. Far.

Damn... I think I may be playing into his hands...

I don't actually think scenario b) is what he wants I think its a). Sadly I reckon one voicemail and 3 text messages is "cowering back and begging"

I don't actually want to lose him though and I know I should be strong and stand my ground... but I can't... what if he just walks away? :confused:

Oh and.. thanks for the input Les... :sadhug:
 

ClaireBear

Banned
Raven said:
Then he is worth neither your time nor energy, simple as that.

But I love him... and he loves me... or at least I think he does... :mope:

I just want it to go back as it was before... I have a horrible feeling this is all my fault... I should have gone with him... just bit my lip and got in the damn taxis!
 

Gonz

molṑn labé
Staff member
Consider this...people get exactly what they look for and deserve. Some of those people show strength & some get exactly what they look for & deserve.
 

abooja

Well-Known Member
If someone would dump you over a silly incident like that, I wouldn't call that love at all. Sounds very childish to me. Give him him the space he wants -- lots of it -- and see if he doesn't come crawling back.

However, most any psychologist worth her salt will tell you the "I need space" routine is a coward's way of exiting a relationship. My ex did it to me after five years of dating. I told him to take a hike and we never spoke again after that. :shrug:

Good luck to you. :sadhug:
 

Spirit

Kissy Goddess
1) NO woman needs a man who can't let her out of his sight at a bar for a few minutes. It's controlling, possesive and very weak.

2) NO woman should EVER BEG a man to stay. If he wants to leave - wave. Show strength and independence.

3) NO ONE should ever snap thier fingers at anyone. It's rude, disrespectful and demeaning.

He just wants someone to control. That's not love.

In 10 yrs - you'll discover you didn't really love him either.
 

ClaireBear

Banned
unclehobart said:
I think I would have broken a chair over his head at the point where he clicked his fingers at me.

There wasn't one handy! :p :D

Not actually following him was very hard for me... a few years back I was even more of a spineless softy that I am now...
 

Raven

Annoying SOB
1. Rob you got a chair handy for that mod title? :p
2. Claire....Spirits right. Like I said once before to you theres a difference between being caring and being overbearing posessive and controlling.
 

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
ClaireBear said:
But I love him... and he loves me... or at least I think he does... :mope:

I just want it to go back as it was before... I have a horrible feeling this is all my fault... I should have gone with him... just bit my lip and got in the damn taxis!
Will it be all your fault too when he beats the shit out of you cause the tablecloth had a wrinkle? The flowers he brings the next day will make it all ok and back the way it was before?

I wouldn't even give him the chance to see if he walks away. RUN.
 

ClaireBear

Banned
Leslie said:
Will it be all your fault too when he beats the shit out of you cause the tablecloth had a wrinkle? The flowers he brings the next day will make it all ok and back the way it was before?

I wouldn't even give him the chance to see if he walks away. RUN.

There really isn't any indication that Adrian is or would ever be violent... he's had plenty of opportunity to give me a quick back hander across the cheek.

But I get your concerns... things can esculate.. and esculate out of hand.

I just can't walk away... I need to speak to him and sort things out... even if it does mean me "losing face"... I was in the wrong.

What ever I've drunkenly said outside the club... its really upset him... its not my style to be knowingly calous I'm not a nasty person... I need to know what it is to understand his upset and know him better....
 

abooja

Well-Known Member
I don't mean to sound harsh, CB, but no one respects a doormat. If you go crawling back to him after having done absolutely nothing wrong, from what you've told us, that is exactly how you'll be perceived. I've been there and done that and know of what I speak. I don't let anyone treat me like that anymore. I had no relationships for five years rather than get treated like that again and I am a stronger person for it today. Give yourself a chance and you, too, will find the strength that lies within you. :)
 

Raven

Annoying SOB
Don't.....didn't I already tell you once? Doing that is just an indication that it's ok for him to do that again in the future.
 

Starya

New Member
He says that something was said by me outside the club that upset him... he won't say what his voice wavers when he talks about it and I can't rememebr what went on!
Kinda reminds me about my ex. He once threw a major jealousy fit once after a night out, and claimed someone had said something about me to give him cause to be an ass. Couldn't tell me who. Or what was said. Later it turned out to be bullshit, noone had said anything, he just made up an excuse.


The way he treated you in the club, he was toying with you. Pretending to leave you, waiting for you to cry, and then laughing it off cause he's "just going to the loo".. He may not be physically voilent, but this reeks of emotional abuse. And let me assure you, a relationship with a man like that ain't gonna be pretty.
 
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