War on everyone

flavio

flavio

Banned
I boosted this from another forum but thought it was funny...

The United States should go to war with Iraq? That's pinko liberal bullsh*t! We should just take over the world and get it over with.
Why? Let's think about it for a second...

1. The war on terrorism is really just a continuation of the war on everyone.

Think about it. Now that we've gone to war with Afghanistan, we've gone to war with just about every country on the planet, except for Switzerland, Sweden, and Tibet (which is probably not a country at all). So what are we doing now? Doubling back and attacking Iraq? It makes no sense!

For the last 250 years, we've been supporting volatility, internal conflict, and starving kids with beady eyes across the globe. The United States is a peace-loving country, and shouldn't stand for any of this. We need to take over these countries NOW, and load 'em up on grunge, Lucky Charms, and Abercrombie and Fitch until the only places they'll fight are courtrooms and Jerry Springer.

Think about how much trouble this will save! No more trade disputes over Japanese cars. No more Islamic fundamentalism. No more France! I'm sure you can see the merits of this action already, but let's continue, shall we?

2. The war on everyone directly supports the war on terrorism.

This should be a no-brainer. If there aren't any other countries left, then there won't be any place for terrorists to hide. Drop some Agent Orange on, say, all of Asia, and you can find 'em all. F*ck the godless Chinese, anyway.

3. Everyone supports terrorism.

Saddam Hussein supports terrorism. Europe supports Saddam Hussein. Asia supports Europe. African groups fund the movements, Switzerland and the Cayman Islands keep their bank accounts, and Canada lets the little rag-headed f*ckers slip into our land of plenty. There's also the Japanese Red Army, Colombia, and KAOS lurking out there. Nuke 'em all, and there's nobody left to support terrorism!

4. Invading everyone is the smartest move we can make to combat terrorism.

Forget Afghanistan. Forget Iraq. Once we invade everyone, where are the terrorists going to hide? The Breadbox of Solitude? Gimme a break.

5. Invading everyone might improve stability in the region.

Let's just take over North and South Korea, cut up the DMZ, give 'em all DVD players and let 'em rot together. Let's take over India and Pakistan, bring their nukes back to North Dakota where they belong, and set them up with NFL teams so that their rivalry can be properly redirected. Let's take over Israel... well, okay, I don't know how you deal with that. But you get the point.

6. Is it the oil that concerns people?

Well, it shouldn't. Once we own all the oil in the world, we can give it to Texaco and Exxon, and they'll sell it for perfectly reasonable prices because corporations are good.

7. Is it the rhetoric that concerns people?

This is the beautiful part. There hasn't been any rhetoric yet! Nobody will see this sh!t coming. Some poor godless commie in Moscow is going to wake up one morning and see a f*cking tank division marching up to Red Square, with speakers blasting "You're in America now! Speak English!" Man, their faces will be a beautiful sight.

We'll have to come up with a new name, of course. We could be the United States of Earth, or the Greater North America Co-Prosperity Sphere.

8. Is it the certain death of everyone's civilians that concerns people?

Who the f*ck cares?

9. Why now?

Because we've still got hegemony going on. If we're powerful enough to take over Iraq in, like, 90 minutes, from the other side of the planet, with minimal effort, we should be able to take over the world in maybe, oh, a couple of hours or so.

Then the New World Order kicks in, and we all live happily ever after. Go George W. Bush... make your daddy proud! I'll be watching on Fox News.
Click to expand...
 
The NWO? GW might see the thousand rays of light daddy spoke of leading the way. Who knows, maybe we will just 'liberate' the world while we're at it. This guy sure seems to be the guy for the job :rolleyes: All hail Ceasar Bush :D Maybe we'll start throwing war protesters to the lions too.
 
I'm honestly having a hard time telling if that is satirical, or just a raving right wing lunatic. Flav, what was the context of the thread? Is that a joke, or just funny on the grounds of pure idiocy?
 
Anyone ever here a song by Randy Newman called "Political Science?" The alternate title is "Let's Drop the Big One and See What Happens."

"Boom goes London and boom Paree,
More room for you, more room for me"

"No one likes us anyhow
Let's drop the big one now"

It's from the early seventies, but every time we get involved in one of these "brushfire" wars, I think of this song for some reason.
 
Actually though, that statement "if there aren't any other countries there won't be any terrorists left" makes a lot of sense (kind of).

PT, are you working hard yet to establish that One World Gov't. Obviously we are waiting. According to Flavs article someone might beat ya to it if you don't hurry :D

All Hail Ceasar PT :D

Do you have lions yet? I'm looking forward to the "games." You need to start construction on the Coliseum :D
 
I figure I'll just use the football stadiums during the summer for our "Games" I don't think we'll feed all protestors to the lions though, be too boring, we need to restart the whole Gladiator thing, live for 100 fights you get your freedom.
 
Hey wait, I thought your world gov't was gonna be a democracy :rolleyes: That's what I get for thinking I guess :D Maybe Gonzland will be established first, through a peaceful war of propaganda.
 
Exactly, chcr, and PETA, at least until I get around to feeding them to the lions.

And who said anything about democracy? I only want a democracy when someone else is in charge.
 
Oh no. Gonz has a white flag. I guess the United World of PT just took one step closer to reality. Democracy is on the way out for sure now. Hail Ceasar ! Don't want to have the emperor mad at ya know :D

The worlds lion population is sure to flourish in the post PETA era. I'm sure they will be proud of your work.
 
If I was a conspiracy theorist, I'd have to bet that PT put those lions at the beginnings of movies. It's a hidden message to those who might wish to start an insurrection ;)
 
So, anybody want to start a pool on how long we'll let PT be our emperor before we decede to off him and try someone else (please note that I do not volunteer).:grim:
 
Does that mean I was just assasinated? Can I just go into exile with my wealth and concubines?
 
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