Advise needed! *warning long post*

Xcite

New Member
Damn does life get you down sometimes :( A couple of hours ago i was really happy, probably more happy than i have been in a while. My (kinda) ex boyfriend was coming to visit me this thursday and staying til the following tuesday. It had been booked and planned for a little under a month and it had me over the moon. Well until he called me earlier..

I could really do with help in a few areas of my life, i don't know who to ask, i don't have friends i can see as i have a condition that restricts me to the house alot of the time, my 'friends' are too immature to handle what it is so i stay away from them. I'm 16 and havent been to school in about 2years due to this condition and a few other things i wont go into much, to sum it up..bad boyfriends. Since i left school I was depressed alot of the time, i didn't like the thing i had, i hated not being able to be 'normal' and go out and have fun with mates and just do the other normal things teenagers did. I admit depression had been lurking round me for a good few years due to my family situation, violent father, divorce, death of two close relatives and heh bad boyfriends among other things. So I've decided to try asking the users on this board as you are all among the best community online i have ever seen, very friendly,extremely relaxed and mature :)

After spending so much time away from friends and the 'real world' you might say, i don't have alot of confidence, never really have but its worse now. Last year i spent a lot of time online, and inadvertently met my soon to be boyfriend. I had a virus and was chatting to my msn friend about how to get rid of it, he brought a guy he knew to be good at computers to me and him and i kicked it off from there, from the start we clicked and well.. fell in love. Now..teens and relationships...not the most reliable things on earth are they (he was 17 but very mature) and ours didn't look too hopeful, living countries apart and all... He lived in London and I in northern Ireland, but we were infatuated with each other, and literally only parted in the day to sleep, every minute of the awake day we were together, on the phone or online. So we finally got together (a birthday visit) after 5months of not meeting, and still we got on like a house on fire. Eventually we couldn't take the distance, it was killing us. He asked me to come over and live with him and after fighting with my family alot i finally did.

So after 7months we were finally together in his house with his parents (who were fine with it) It took alot to be together, my family were against the whole thing (my father even hauled me away to a shrink in the hope i would be diagonsed with something so it would be legal to make me stay, i got thru it ok) His ex girlfriend was causing trouble my bf got rid of her after her current bf sent a few death threats to my man. An internet guy i knew and who was close to stirred up some jealous feelings with my bf, they came to blows and nearly cost me the whole relationship, i found out my boyfriend was cheating with a close friend of his that had been going on for 4years!! My boyfriend claims it as abuse yet im uncertain as he still has the friend with him everyday :/ We got past that, then when we were together his family had doubts over me and didn't want me around the father who had cancer (yet the man himself was fine with it) my boyfriend begged me to fight his family with him, and so we did. His father sadly passed away a few months ago and since then my boyfriend has changed his behaviour to a typical schizophrenic. He claimed we weren't working out andthat he wanted to lead the normal teenage life i.e sex..lots of it, with different girls. He was like that one day and would be totally loving the next Eventually he broke up with me after spinning some story to his mother about me (he was angry) that wasn't true which pretty much left me VERY unwelcome, so i left. Back home, hating the fact everyone would be saying ''told you so''

For some reason I'm still in contact with him, i still love him dearly, and live for the days he loves me back (which are every two days) but i'm worried about his behaviour. When he's normal he says he loves me but hes scared, he knows his heads messed up and needs me to help him, but as soon as i hang up and the next call comes the following day hes mr nasty again :( And now he's just blown off the trip for thursday, saying i have to come down to london, to HIM if i want to see him... he also wants us to act as if nothing has changed...meaning he wants blowjobs and sex... i told him i didn't want to do that stuff and he got huffy and said there's no point of a trip then as we'll 'be bored' most of the time without it. Yet the other night he told me if i was with him all he would want is a cuddle, no sex just comfort... i love him so want to help him, but i'm totally confused by his behaviour im scared i wont be able to :(

Please if anyone knows anything or has any advise, im in desperate need!
 

tonksy

New Member
piss on him. you have your own life to live, without dealing with his crap. what do you owe him? you are young and you don't need him.
 

Xcite

New Member
I wish it was that simple, I want to leave him but am torn between feelings, damn heart...

I also know I'm the only person who cares for him like this, he's told me himself. I'm just totally puzzled by the behaviour, i know he can be a real bastard but im willing to take shit from him if i can help him a bit at least. He means alot still and used to be the complete opposite of what he is now. Ah i don't know, just confused. Why is it your heart and head ALWAYS conflict!
 

tonksy

New Member
Xcite said:
I wish it was that simple, I want to leave him but am torn between feelings, damn heart...

I also know I'm the only person who cares for him like this, he's told me himself. I'm just totally puzzled by the behaviour, i know he can be a real bastard but im willing to take shit from him if i can help him a bit at least. He means alot still and used to be the complete opposite of what he is now. Ah i don't know, just confused. Why is it your heart and head ALWAYS conflict!
sweetie, you may be the only one who cares for him like that, but you need to care about yourself more. you are too young to be tying yourself down to someone who doesn't respect you. and he can't respect you if he treats you bad, problems or not. you need to view his ill treatment as a warning sign. your heart will hurt but you need to take care of yourself. you need to respect yourself.
 

Oz

New Member
Xcite said:
Ah i don't know, just confused. Why is it your heart and head ALWAYS conflict!

'Cos life would be boring otherwise........It sounds like he is expecting you to give yourself 100% to him (emotionally and financially) I'd tell him to get off his arse, spend his own cash and get on the plane to ireland if he cares as much as he claims.

Do ya really want to share your life with an insecure emotional sink? I know it sounds harsh and it's easy to feel that you should support someone who you think relies on ya.........but its sounds like your doing all the giving without him giving back anything :eh:

As for his mood swings........if he gets nasty on the phone (or online, in person.....wherever) Tell him to fuck off and grow up. Then he'll either realise you won't take that kinda shit, or stay like a kid forever.
 

Oz

New Member
tonks said:
sweetie, you may be the only one who cares for him like that, but you need to care about yourself more. you are too young to be tying yourself down to someone who doesn't respect you. and he can't respect you if he treats you bad, problems or not. you need to view his ill treatment as a warning sign. your heart will hurt but you need to take care of yourself. you need to respect yourself.


Aye......what tonksy said as well ^^

bleach
Not big on sensitivity
 

Xcite

New Member
I'll give it another think in the morning, I've posted this all at a bad time (3am) and am probably not thinking clear, sorry for the big post, sometimes you just gotta get it off your chest.

Right, it's 03:50am where i am, i'm off to bed, thanks for replying tonks, I appreciate it :)
 
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