Day to day recipes for success

[electric_mind]

Day to day recipe for success:
tiny bits of wisdom that makes everyone's life easier. Some are similar to Murphy's laws.

Here are some examples:

* WIPING #1: do it till the paper seems clear.

* WIPING #2: if you see blood, you are wiping too hard.

* SEX #1 (male): if you worry too much, its gonna go soft.

* SEX #2 (male): if you worry about worrying too much, you are gonna shoot too soon.

* SEX #3 (female): If you worry about whether he'll be able to find your vagina, it'll take a while for him to realise thats either your butt or your navel.

* SEX #4 (female): tell him your nipples are not radio dials.

Wise men and women, enlighten us!

 

[AlphaTroll]

Don't buy dentures from street hawkers.

Always check to see if someone is watching befor eyou pick your nose.

Don't pick your brother's nose while he's awake.

Dogs do like being dressed up in ballerina outfits (especially big dogs, like Rottweilers, German Shepperds, Great Danes and St Bernards)

 

[Oz]

Always try to consume your alcohol quota for the day before 9am

Never grow a beard.

Eat a bran cereal for breakfast.

 

[MuFu]

Suck radio dials all day.

 

[Leslie]

ow!

 

[electric_mind]

* SEX: it's probably NOT a rash.

* RAINY DAYS: old lady's height = height to your left eye - height of her umbrella

 

[Gonz]

Only needed recipe for success

Get off your fat lazy ass & do something

 

[electric_mind]

Only needed recipe for success

Get off your fat lazy ass & do something

ok, but first i gotta organize everything to get off my fat lazy ass.

 

[Professur]

ok, but first i gotta organize everything to get up my fat lazy ass.

Getting stuff up your ass? Well, I wish you sucess (if that's what you wanna call it.

 

[electric_mind]

Getting stuff up your ass? Well, I wish you sucess (if that's what you wanna call it.

maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa its not fair! i edited it!

 

[Gonz]

ok, but first i gotta organize everything to get off my fat lazy ass.

Just an excuse to not get off your fat lazy ass & do something

 

[electric_mind]

Just an excuse to not get off your fat lazy ass & do something

Not really!
Everything has to be organized!
And before organizing everything to get off my fat lazy ass I gotta make sure everything is ready to start organizing!

 

[Professur]

Too bad, Emmie. I saw it, and got the quote first.

 

[electric_mind]

Too bad, Emmie. I saw it, and got the quote first.

Great... now you know my dark secret... How can i *cough*bribe*cough* compensate you for not disclosuring such valuable information?

* DARK SECRETS: read twice before submitting

 

[Professur]

Um, naw. We'll just leave it there, shall we.

 

[Squiggy]

Wind does NOT have lumps.....go change your underwear.

 

[Professur]

You just brought to mind an old Carol Burnette skit.

 

[MuFu]

The Hedgehog is sacred.

 

[MuFu]

* SEX #3 (female): If you worry about whether he'll be able to find your vagina...

Hmm... is that ever a problem, really? :-\

Someone tell a funny story to prove it is!