Divorce

[drkavnger99]

Ok well I'm 22 years old (yes still living at home) and going to college! My parents have finally decided to divorce eachother and well things aren't going very smoothly as expected. Its amazing how two very nice people as individuals can turn into the most viscious enemies after 25 years of marriage. My mom has someone to goto after the divorce my father on the other hand does not. He claims he didn't see it coming (the divorce) and knows about the guy my mother is going to be seeing. I guess my question is what advice do you give someone who cares a ton about both of them and yet can't stand to be around with the fighting because I keep getting pulled into it! And being a student I don't really have the income to move out on my own (no matter how much I want to ). I am stuck between a rock and a hard place and looking for a way out!

 

[Squiggy]

Sorry to hear that. I can tell you it will most certainly be ugly. My advice is to try not to judge either of them during this time. Let them both know you love them and know that they both love you. Beyond that, hold on tight. I hope you get through this without losing too much.

 

[PT]

Man, bummer spot to be in. Well, sit them both down, seperately or together, whichever works. Tell them quite simply, Look, you guys are getting divorced, your reasons are your own and i don't really need to know what they are. You are however, both my parents and I'm not divorcing either of you, so don't put me in the middle of it nor ask me to take sides, you may be quite unhappy at the side I choose.

 

[drkavnger99]

Tell them quite simply, Look, you guys are getting divorced, your reasons are your own and i don't really need to know what they are. You are however, both my parents and I'm not divorcing either of you, so don't put me in the middle of it nor ask me to take sides, you may be quite unhappy at the side I choose.

I wish it was that easy I have spoken to both of them and when I do I get the fine take (the other parents) side. It is majorly fuX0red I have tried to be there for both of them I have the ability (ususally) to cut off the emotional aspect of things and look at it logically but both my parents have grown dependent on that for an unbiased point of view. Thats why I am getting pulled into it more often than not and why I'm losing my cool more and more with the situation!

 

[PT]

Hmmm. That does make it trickier. I guess it's time to be perfectly honest and frank with them and let them know if they want a mediator that they should hire one, that you are not emotionally able to do it for them anymore. Surely they will understand that.

 

[a13antichrist]

If they insist on acting like children then there's nothing you can do about it. Obviously they (like everyone else) still haven't understood what love is all about, otherwise there would be no bitterness during the breakup, whether it be a marriage or a simple relationship. Don't even bother trying to support either of them until they realise that they're doing each other a favour. Then you won't need to anyway.

I can tell you it will most certainly be ugly.

No. See above.

 

[drkavnger99]

Surely they will understand that.

We shall see I guess..... I'm thankful I found a wonderful girl who can give me a place to crash when I need to and help me sort things out.... And to the ppl here on the boards here I give a to you guys/gals are awesome!

 

[Justintime]

I've never and hopefully will never be in the same situation, hence my advice would have no backing, but i wish you and your parents the best of luck.

 

[greenfreak]

Hmmm. That does make it trickier. I guess it's time to be perfectly honest and frank with them and let them know if they want a mediator that they should hire one, that you are not emotionally able to do it for them anymore. Surely they will understand that.

Ditto. A child should not be that involved in the "why's" of a divorce and it's unfair of them to expect you to do that, or to be a 'go-between' or informant. I've been in that spot but not with my parents and it usually does neccessitate more than one instance of you telling each of them that the subject is taboo and you will not discuss it any more with either of them. Stick to your guns and they'll get it after a while. In the meantime, good luck, keep your chin up.

 

[Vortex]

Yikes, sounds like you're really stuck in a bad place right now. I agree with Squig, let them know that you love them both, and don't judge them on anything you can say or do to eachother or yourself. And one very last important thing, no matter what you say, don't EVER think it's your fault!

 

[Leslie]

I'm sorry you're stuck in this situation...hopefully they'll calm soon and realize the position they're putting you in and step back some...

Chin up, you'll get through it

 

[drkavnger99]

Stick to your guns and they'll get it after a while. In the meantime, good luck, keep your chin up.

Well if there is one thing I'm good at is sticking to my guns..... I'm a taurus after all you mess with the bull you get the horns! but on a serious note my parents cannot now decide who should move out and who should stay!.... GEEZZZ Thanks for the support everyone... the advice is much appreciated because I know I'm not the only one whos gone through such a thing and right now its hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel!

 

[drkavnger99]

don't EVER think it's your fault!

Don't worry about that I know it isn't age hasn't ever been a gauge of wisdom in those matters for me.

Chin up, you'll get through it

Thanks for the hugz

 

[Gonz]

I guess my question is what advice do you give someone who cares a ton about both of them

PT had the correct general answer. Stay out of it.

HOWEVER, since your mom has decided to break up the marriage for some other stud, stick with your dad. He got dumped for sex. She is a liar (til death does us part) and a cheat. Your dad needs his family on his side.

Rough, yes. But somebody has to bring it up.