Extremely offensive and racist jokes!

Discussion in 'Entertainment' started by Justintime, Jul 4, 2002.

  1. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    disclaimer: Justintime does not condone racism, but finds it funny as well ;) :D

    Q: How do ethnic JOKES start?
    A: By looking over both shoulders

    Q: How many blacks are on the Jetsons?
    A: None
    R: Doesn't our future look good!

    Q: What is the American dream?
    A: All the BLACKS go back to Africa with a Jew under each arm!
  2. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Q: What is the difference between a "RAP" group's manager and a proctologist?
    A: A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.

    Q: What is the difference between a dead negroe in the middle of the road and a dead dog in the middle of the road?
    A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

    Q: What is the difference between a Negroe and a trampoline?
    A: You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.

    Q: What is the most common form of transportation in Harlem?
    A: Ambulances.

    Q: What is the New York State motto?
    A: Eat, Drink and be Merry, for tomorrow you may be killed by a Negroe in Central park.
  3. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    20 Ways on How to Be a Perfect Korean Parent

    Be a little more lenient on the 7pm curfew.

    Don't ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card.

    Don't "ay-goo" loudly at your kid's dress habits.

    Don't blatantly hint about the merits of "Hah-bah-deuh" (Harvard), "Yae-Ihll (Yale) or "Ssu-tan-po-deuh" (Stanford).

    Don't reveal all the intimate details of your kid's life to the entire Korean community.

    Don't ask your child, "What are you going to do with your life" if he/she majors in a non-science field.

    Don't give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.

    Don't try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.

    Incorporate other phrases beside "Did you study yet?" into your daily conversations with your children.

    Don't ask all your kid's friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.

    Don't search their room.

    Don't open your kid's mail.

    Don't listen in on their phone conversations.

    Don't keep feeding them after they've said I'm going to burst with one more bite.

    Allow them to sleep over at a friend's house instead of just letting friends sleep over at yours.

    Don't tell them to read their bible every day instead of wasting their time watching TV.

    Don't ask them about what they think of every Korean girl/guy you mutually know.

    Don't compare your kids with those of others.

    At least let them go to a school dance.

    Let them develop a real personality instead of molding them into socially challenged individuals.
  4. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    You Know You're Korean If...

    your mother has a short-haired, curly perm

    your parents still try to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15

    you ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later, they're still lecturing

    you have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry

    everyone thinks you're CHINESE no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from

    you've had a bowl haircut at one point in your life

    your parents used to cut your hair

    your parents enjoy comparing you to their friend's kids friends...(but when you compare them to other parents, they say, "DON'T COMPARE!")

    your parents say, "don't forget your heritage."

    you drive mostly Japanese cars

    you've learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom

    you've had to eat parts of animals they don't even put in hot dogs

    piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back and closet doors

    you hear (your name + ee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you. (e.g., Jean-ee-yah! or Mary-yah!)

    you have NO eyelashes

    idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the every-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc.

    your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin

    the bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night's dinner

    at least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses

    your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, "In Korea, we studied even more."

    your parents expect you'll be friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian

    an Asian woman comes on campus and people ask, "Is that your mother? Well then, is it your sister?"

    your parents say, "Calculus? I took calculus in the 8th grade!"

    everyone thinks you're good at math

    you like $1.75 movies

    you like $1.50 movies even more

    your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Korea, with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever-so-popular lime green

    your parents insist you marry a Korean

    you either really, really, want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it

    your parents have never kissed you

    your parents have never kissed each other

    you learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents

    your parents say, "you want a stereo?!? When i was your age, I didn't even have shoes!"

    you have 12+ aunts and uncles

    at expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert

    your parents always cover their mouth with their hand when they use a toothpick in a restaurant.

    your parents simply cut off the green/black part off the bread and say, "Eat it anyway; it's still good."

    the vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses

    you will most likely be taller than your parents

    your parents have either made you play the piano, the violin, or both
  5. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Damn hispanics

    What do you call a black guy driving a black Cadillac?
    Black power.
    What do you call a white guy driving a white Cadillac?
    White power.
    What do you call a Puerto Rican guy driving a blue Cadillac?
    Grand Theft Auto.

    How do you starve a Mexican?
    Put his food stamps under his work boots.

    How do you get a Mexican outta your house?
    Throw a quarter out-Will C.

    How do you find the fastest man in Mexico?
    Roll a quarter down the hill.-Will C.

    Why do cars in Mexico have such small wheels?
    So they can drive with handcuffs-Will C.

    Why do Mexicans drive lowriders?
    So they can pick strawberries faster

    What do you call a Mexican baptism?
    Bean dip

    Why don't Puerto Ricans have a long history of literature?
    Because spray paint wasn't invented until 1949 -Joe

    How many Mexicans does it take to roof a house?
    8 if you slice them thin enough. -D. Carr

    What's the difference between a Mexican and a pothole?
    You swerve to miss the pothole

    How do u start a Mexican parade?
    Roll a quarter down the street...

    What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
    Juan on Juan -Tray

    What's the difference between a dead dog and a dead Mexican lying in the middle of the street?
    The dog has brake marks in front of it.

    Why do Mexicans put shit on the wall at their weddings?
    To keep the flies off the bride- Michelle

    Why do Mexicans paint their trashcans red and yellow?
    So their kids think they're eating at McDonalds- Michelle

    Why do Mexicans have big noses?
    So they have something to pick in the winter -Michelle

    Why don?t Mexicans barbecue?
    Because the beans keep falling through the grill -Shane

    What is the best way to circumcise a Mexican?
    Kick his sister in the jaw -Shane

    What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
    An avalanche
    What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
    A mudslide
    What do you call a bunch of Mexican people running down a hill?
    A jailbreak -Melissa

    Why does Mexico suck at the Olympics?
    Because every Mexican that can run, jump, or swim are all over here. -Melissa

    An international flight was over the ocean. All of a sudden, the plane began to lose altitude. The pilot tried to level it out but there was to much weight on the plane. So the crew went below deck and began to throw the luggage out the rear hatch. With a lot of weight gone, the pilot was able to keep the plane level for a while, but it soon began to lose altitude again. The pilot announced over the speakers that in order for the majority of passengers to survive some people would have to jump out to their deaths. Some men began to stand and head for the hatch. A British guy said, "God save the queen," and jumped out. A Frenchman said, "Viva la France," and jumped out. A Texan said, "Remember the Alamo," and threw out a Mexican. -littlewitt

    One day, there was a duck he was looking for some one to help so a skunk comes up and the duck says, "Hey mister, can you help me? Can you tell me what I am?" The skunk replies "Well let's see, you have webbed feet and a orange beak so you must be a duck." "Okay, cool, I'm a duck." Then the skunk says, "Well now can you help me?" "Sure, Let's see, your half black and half white and you smell. You must be Puerto Rican."

    What does a Mexican do if he can't jump?
    Stay in Mexico

    What happens when a Cuban gets a flat tire?
    He drowns.

    What do you call a bunch of white people running down a hill?
    What do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill?
    What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

    Why were there only 200 Mexicans at the migrant camp this year?
    They only had 2 vans -BABIONE

    Why wouldn't the Puerto Rican let his daughter marry a nigger?
    He didn't want a grandson that was too lazy to steal. -BMG

    How do you get a Mexican to finish a relay race?
    Turn on the police sirens -Nablil

    Why are Mexicans no good at the summer Olympics?
    Because everyone that can run jump or swim are already in USA.

    Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans in Star Trek?
    Because they ain't working in the future either -Johnny J.

    Which country has the nicest mowed lawns and landscaping?
    Mexico -HAS

    What did the Mexican say when the house fell on him?
    Get off me homes.

    What’s Cuba’s national anthem?
    Row, row, row your boat -Kyle R.

    How do you stop a Mexican tank?
    Shoot the guys pushing it

    Why doesn't Mexico have a Navy?
    Because cardboard doesn't float

    Why do you always see Mexicans driving around in primered cars?
    They haven't figured out how to steal a paint job. -Jackie

    What are the first three words in the Mexican national anthem?
    "Attention K-Mart shoppers…" -Nick

    What do you call an old Mexican?
    Bean bag
  6. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Against asians
    What do you call a fat Chinese guy?
    A Chunk.

    How do you blindfold a Chinese person?
    With dental floss -Will C.

    How do you blind an Asian?
    Put a steering wheel in front of him -Rob

    How do you know if a Chinese person has robbed your house?
    Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway.

    How do Chinese people decide on a name for their child?
    They throw a bunch of pots and pans down the stairs -Shane

    What do you get when a Chinese person and a black person have a kid?
    A felon who cant drive -Shane

    What do you call a drive bye in Chinatown?
    A Cappachino -Craig

    What do you call it when a Chinese guy was shot at Starbucks?
    Cappachino -HAS

    Why do Asians always have a whole bunch of mousetraps set up around their house?
    Cuz that's how they get their dinner.

    What do you name a retarded Asian?
    Som Ting Wong -bob baker

    Why don?t Chinese play hockey?
    Because if they got thrown into the corner they?d make a store.

    Why don't gooks smoke weed?
    Because then they wouldn't be able to see - Parker
  7. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    General Racism

    Why can't white men jump?
    The gel in their hair holds them down.

    A Jewish kid goes to his dad and asks for 20 bucks. Dad replies, "10 bucks what do you want 5 bucks for?"

    A black guy and a Puerto Rican are in a car, who's driving?
    The policeman. -MtBikeX

    What do you call an Aborigine in a suit?
    The defendant -Uncle Fester

    How do you tell the bride at an Aboriginal wedding?
    She's the one with the new thongs on -Uncle Fester
    (thongs are worn on your feet in Australia - flip flops)

    Why is dog shit better than an Aborigine?
    Cuz after a week dog shit turns white & doesn't stink anymore -Uncle Fester

    How do you stop an Aborigine from drowning?
    Take your foot off his head -Uncle Fester

    What goes black white black white black white down the beach?
    An Aborigine & a seagull fighting over a hot chip -Uncle Fester

    What do you call an Aborigine in a university?
    The janitor -Uncle Fester

    An Italian, a French and a Mexican all are window washers at a big company. One day when they were eating lunch the Italian opens his lunchbox and finds lasagna. He says "if my wife makes me lasagna for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump from this platform." The French opens his lunchbox and finds cordon bleu. He says "If my wife makes me cordon bleu for lunch one more time, I'm going to jump and join you." The Mexican opens his lunchbox and finds a peanut butter sandwich. He says "If my wife makes me peanut butter sandwich one more time I'm going to join both of you." The next day, they sit down to their lunches. The Italian opens his lunchbox to find lasagna and he jumps. The French opens his lunchbox to find cordon bleu and he jumps, too. The Mexican opens his lunch to find a peanut butter sandwich and he jumps also. At the funerals the wives come together and talk. The Italian wife says, "I don't know why he killed himself, I thought he loved lasagna." The French wife says, "I don't know why he killed himself, I thought he loved cordon bleu." The Mexican wife says, "I don't know why he killed himself, he made his own lunch."

    How did Germany take over Poland?
    They marched in backwards and Poland thought they were leaving. -James F.

    How do you stop a Packy from drowning?
    Take your foot off his head. -Adam

    How do you drown a Packy?
    Pop his lips. -Adam

    How do you know you have a queer Jew?
    He likes money more than girls. -D. Carr

    An American, a Russian, and a Mexican were out camping. The American has his Jack Daniels the Russian has his vodka and the Mexican has his tequila. The Russian takes a drink of vodka throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The Mexican says, "What did you do that for?" The Russian says, "In Russia we have lots of vodka." The Mexican takes a drink of his tequila throws the bottle up in the air and shoots it. The American says, "man what did you do that for?" The Mexican says, "In Mexico we have lots of tequila." The American takes a drink of his Jack Daniels throws the bottle up in the air and shoots the Mexican. The Russian looks at him and says, "Man, what the hell did you do that for?" The American says, "Oh hell, man, in America we have lots of Mexicans." -Mike

    Have you heard about the Jewish sports car?
    It stops on a dime, then picks it up -Rob

    What do you call three Mexicans, one Chinese, and 4 Africans?
    a sprinkler - (Spic spic spic, chink, nigger nigger nigger nigger) -Matt

    How many Jews can you fit in a car?
    2 in the front, 2 in the back, and about 6,000 in the ashtray -Billy

    What's the difference between a Jew and a large Pizza?
    The pizza doesn't scream when it's put in the oven -Billy

    Who is the greatest Jewish cook ever?
    Hitler -Billy
  8. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Against racists

    How do you get a racist to laugh on a Sunday? Tell them a joke on Friday.

    What's the difference between a racist and a bucket of sludge? The bucket.

    Why is a racist like a drunk? Because whatever they say ends in a slur.

    Why is a racist like a dog? Because they both mark out territory by spraying walls.

    What's red and white and peels itself? A white supremist trying to get a suntan.

    What's the definition of confused? A white supremist watching the mens 100m sprint.

    What do you get when you cross a white supremist with a donkey? Someone who thinks the sun shines out of their own ass.

    What do you call a bigot who does well on an IQ test? A cheat.

    Why is a bigot like the announcer at Randwick? Because they both start shouting the instant they see a new race.

    What's the difference between a schoolyard racist and Adolf Hitler? Opportunity.

    What are the best four years of a racist's life? Year 6.

    Why do racists hang around in gangs? So they can form a dope ring.

    Why didn't the racist cross the road? She was afraid of the other side.

    How many racists does it take to change a light bulb? None - racists hate being enlightened.

    Have you heard about the racist who choked on his youghurt? Someone told him it grew out of a foreign culture.

    Why do racists compete with others on the basis of colour? Because if they competed on brains, they'd lose.

    Why did the racist punch out the immigrants? Because if you can't join 'em, beat 'em.
  9. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    For the sake of pissing Leslie off, sexist jokes :D

    How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None. Let the bitch do the ironing in the dark.

    How many women does it take to change a light bulb? 11, 10 to form a committee and 1 to get her boyfriend to do it.

    How many divorced Men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who knows; they never get the house.

    How many divorced Women does it take to screw in a light bulb? 4,1 to screw in the bulb, 3 to form a support group.

    What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Slap her.

    What do you do if your washing machine breaks down? Slap her to.

    How long does it take a woman to clean the toilet? Who cares, as long as dinner is on the table by 6.

    Why do women have small feet? So they can get closer to the sink.

    Pick the odd one out: a woman, a washing machine, a toaster and the garden hose? The toaster, the rest leak when you fuck them.

    Why did the woman cross the road? That's not the point, why wasn't she chained to the bed?

    Why can't women get their driving licences? Because there's no road from the kitchen to the laundry.

    What do a woman and a condom have in common? They're both either in your wallet or on your dick.

    What do you say to a woman who has two black eyes? Nothing, she has already been told twice.

    What is the difference between a "Battery" and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

    What does a beer bottle and a guy have in common? There both empty from the neck up.

    What's the best thing about a blow job? Ten minutes silence.

    Why do men have a hole in their penis? So they can get air to their brain.

    What's a man's idea of safe sex? A padded headboard.

    How many men does it take to pop a pan of popcorn? 4: 1 to hold the pan and 3 to shake to stove.

    What's the definition of a woman? A woman is a life support system to a virgina.

    Confucious say: Woman worth weight in gold probably costs as much. What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A mosquito quits sucking when you smack it.

    What's the best thing about a blow job from an Ethiopian woman? You know she'll swallow.

    How is a pussy like a grapefruit? The best ones squirt when you eat them.

    What's the difference between white fairy tales and black fairy tales? White fairy tales starts, "Once upon a time....." Black fairy tales starts, "Yo, you motherfuckers ain't gonna believe this shit....."

    What is the biggest problem for an atheist? No one to talk to during orgasm.

    What's the smartest thing to come out of a woman's mouth? Einstein's cock.

    How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it!

    Why does the bride always wear white? Because it is good for the dishwasher to match the stove and refrigerator.

    Why do hunters make the best lovers? Because they go deep in the bush, shoot more than once and they eat what they shoot.

    How can you tell which is the head nurse? The one with the dirty knees.

    What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

    Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint? It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.

    What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!

    Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

    Why do men pay more than women for car insurance? Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.

    How do you piss off a female archeologist?? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it comes from

    How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to you.

    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

    How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."

    How do you fix a woman’s watch? You don’t, there’s a clock on the oven!

    Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and you’re gonna to want to shoot it. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog of course...at least he’ll shut up after you let him in.

    All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart. What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? A woman that won’t do what she’s told.

    I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don’t like to interrupt her. What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence? Divorced.

    Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same. Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%: Wedding cake.

    Marriage is a 3 ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

    The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What’s on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"

    In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

    My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

    Why do men die before their wives? They want to.

    What is the difference between a dog and a fox? 5 drinks!!!

    Do you know the punishment for bigamy?? Two mothers-in-law.

    The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

    What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.

    How can you tell a macho woman? She rolls her own tampons

    Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? 45kg

    What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45mins.

    What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? Sexual Harassment.

    What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? $3.99 a minute.

    How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.

    How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get the remote.

    What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down? Marriage.

    How many men does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.

    What's the fastest way to a man's heart? Through his chest with a sharp knife.

    What have women and floor tiles got in common? If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.

    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What is a man's view of safe sex? A padded headboard.

    How do men sort their laundry? "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"
  10. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Damn white folk
    What do you call two white men in the back of a car?

    What do you call a white man in a suit?

    The accused.

    What do you call a white man who can dance?


    What do you call a white man in a bank?

    A bank-robber.

    What do you call a white man who isn't racist, a psycho-killer or gay?

    A liar.

    What do you call a white man in power?

    A slave-trader.

    What do you call a country that elected a white man to power?


    what do you call a group of white people running down a hill? an avalanche
  11. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    ok, here ends my trip into humourous racism
    peace all :headbang:
  12. Luis G

    Luis G <i><b>Problemator</b></i> Staff Member

  13. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

  14. Jeslek

    Jeslek Banned

    *bump* for flavio

    This is so funny. lol
  15. Justintime

    Justintime Guest

    Damn you lol :p
  16. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax <b>mod cow</b>

    i'm sure he'll appreciate your kindness :rolleyes:
  17. ipmoof

    ipmoof New Member

    What does a Paki's house smell of?

  18. Professur

    Professur Well-Known Member

    Parvinder and Habib are pandhandlers...
    They panhandle in different areas of Toronto .

    Habib panhandles just as long as Parvinder ... but only collects 2 to 3 dollars every day.
    Parvinder brings home a suitcase FULL of $10 bills, drives a Mercedes,
    lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.

    Habib says to Parvinder "I work just as long and hard as you do ... but
    how do you bring home a suitcase full of $10 bills every day?"

    Parvinder says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"
    Habib's sign reads "I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support."
    Parvinder says "No wonder you only get $2-3 dollars"

    Habib says... "So what does your sign say?"
    Parvinder shows Habib his sign ...
    It reads, "I only need another $10 to move back to Pakistan ."
  19. Professur

    Professur Well-Known Member

    I miss Justin. He died too young
  20. MrBishop

    MrBishop Well-Known Member

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