How do I break it to my folks...

Panoramic World

Panoramic World

New Member
I've been seeing this girl for a while as freinds, and lately things have picked up between us. You can say we're a couple :). But here's the catch. My folks orginally came over from Europe. Their ideal plan is to see me get married to a woman of my family's nationality. I'm not really all for that. I think love should be based around someone special whom you love for them...not because they meet these so called standards your folks have lol. Well my GF is Asian....South Korean to be specific. She's everything I ever wanted in a woman. Shes smart, funny, down to earth, beautiful, talented, has goals in life, dosn't smoke,drink, abuse drugs, is very caring, trustworthy, we share tons of common interests, have the same sense of humor, basically...shes like the gifl of my dreams. Now awhile back...when we 1st started hanging out...I told my folks I really liked this girl...they didnt take that too well. So now how do I break it to them...that we're dating...because I really want to bring her home, have my family meet her, and be able to interact within my family. I've already met her folks, and part of her family...and they all pretty much love me. her little brother thinks I cool, her folks like me a whole lot...their always saying its great their daughter found a good guy.

So yea...

Any suggestions?
 
MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
Give your GF a heads-up re; your folx and their possible reaction, then bring her over for supper. Act like a couple. Don't jump each other at the table or anything but be closer than just friends. Try to let the conversations flow to show off to your folx that she is a nice person, intelligent etc.. all the things that you love about her. Even minor forms of racist are formed through misconceptions. The more your folx know her and what she's about, the more they'll be willing to allow that there is more to her and her people than they would've thought. It's time consuming, but well worth it.
 
Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
Is this a religion thing, or do they just wish you'd marry a nice Polish girl (or whichever it is)?
 
MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
Oh...I forgot. Divide and conquer. Take your Mom and your GF out to lunch or something. Moms are easier to break down than fathers when it comes to tradition. They also understand that sometimes you have to follow your heart.


A good example. Your folx left Europe to emigrate wherever you are now, despite all traditions re: living close to home and family. That was a huge step, but they obviously succeeded! It flew in the face of tradition.

I had the same issues with both my major relationships. My first wife was a Jamaican woman...my current 'Missus' is Spanish. I'm French/Mohawk. Time and again, I was warned about mixed relationships not working and how society would view me and my kids.
 
Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
MrBishop said:
I'm French/Mohawk.

Time and again, I was warned about mixed relationships not working and how society would view me and my kids.
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That's hilarious.
 
Panoramic World

Panoramic World

New Member
And my mom is alot more strict when it comes to tradition. My pop...he really donsn't care much...but he chimes in with uncalled for ignorant jokes...
 
SouthernN'Proud

SouthernN'Proud

Southern Discomfort
While it is wonderful that you are taking your parents' feelings into account, you and only you can give those feelings the weight in your life you think they deserve. Once you've done that, you're ready to procede. If their opinions carry (say) 60% weight, then you procede one way...if they carry 10%, you procede another. At the end of the day, though, the important thing is your own happiness.

I have dated ladies my folks really liked. I have dated ladies they really didn't much care for. I allowed these opinions to carry too much weight (both directions) a few times, and regretted it every time.

You are your own man. While it is wise to consider the feelings of those closest to you, you shouldn't let that dictate your life.

I would have a talk with my parents, as well as with this young lady. Be open and forthright with each. Do not hold back on either end. Answer their questions fully and honestly. I suggest the initial meeting be in a restaurant, so there is no "tension" on your friend's part to act a certain way in their home. That may or may not be a cultural issue for her...I don't know. Give it time...don't make permanent decisions unless the meal ends with silverware being thrown. Realize that you will have to be a bridge, for some time.

Most of all, relax. Most parents place the happiness of their children above their own preconceptions.
 
Leslie

Leslie

Communistrator
Staff member
Just an educated guess...I know a couple Polish moms :lol2:

What she's looking for is a nice girl who will take care of you and cook for you and be faithful and be obeisant as befits a good enough woman for her son. And in her opinion, the only kind of woman who will ever measure up to being even close to being good enough for you will be a Polish one.

It'll be a fight, and I think in general you'll be screwed, but in 30 years or so she may come around to seeing that your girl does measure up.

In the meantime, just let them know sooner rather than later, however it is you tell them. You don't want them to get the impression you were hiding it, as that would just be ammo, and all the girl's fault.
 
Uki Chick

Uki Chick

New Member
I know what you're going through. My parents have accepted the fact that I won't marry my own nationality necessarily. After all, I married a jewish guy and I'm Ukrainian catholic. Talk about hurdles to go through. Like Bish said though, have them over for dinner, have them meet and show them what your interest is in her. Have a conversation with them the next day, see what they think of her, then tell them how you feel about her.

I don't necessarily agree with Bish on mom's being the easier ones to accept things. I know it's not the way with my family. My father is the one who is more laid back and my mom is the head strong one. She always wanted me with someone that was Ukrainian. I think what's most important is that the traditions they instilled in you remain. They don't want them to disappear, and as long as there is a balance, then things should be fine.

I'm sure once they see how happy you are as well, it will make things easier.
 
MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
The French/Mohawk mix dates back several generations... with many Mohawk families being fully integrated into Quebec society to the point where, like my family, we were given a family name.


It's less of an issue than those who are not 'de souche' - pure blood.
 
Uki Chick

Uki Chick

New Member
Panoramic World said:
::sighs:: yea Polish mom's. They sure are something...
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man do I know. but what Les said isn't necessarily true. My parents accepted the person I married cause they had no choice.
 
HomeLAN

HomeLAN

New Member
SnP said:
You are your own man. While it is wise to consider the feelings of those closest to you, you shouldn't let that dictate your life.
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That's the root of it. Do the dinner thing, listen to their opinion, but don't let it dictate your course. If, by chance, you should end up marrying this girl, you should and will be expected to adopt her point of view at the expense of your relationship with your parents if necessary. That's both part of adulthood and the root of a lasting partnership with your spouse. Perhaps your folks need to start getting acclimated to that idea now.
 
Uki Chick

Uki Chick

New Member
SouthernN'Proud said:
Tolerence does not always equal acceptance.
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it wasn't tolerance. they did accept him and said they loved him. They may not have agreed with my choices, but it was my life and I had to live it my way.
 
MrBishop

MrBishop

Well-Known Member
Love's Strategems - Justice, D​


But these maneuverings to avoid
The touching of hands,
These shifts to keep the eyes employed
On objects more or less neutral
(As honor, for time being, commands)
Will hardly prevent their downfall.

Stronger medicines are needed.
Already they find
None of their strategems have succeeded,
Nor would have, no,
Not had their eyes been stricken blind,
Hands cut off at the elbow.

***
Love is unavoidable.
 
Spirit

Spirit

Kissy Goddess
Perhaps they aren't as stuck on the whole *You must marry Polish girl* thing as you might think. I mean - they *did* move to America. ? Did they move you in to a Polish area of town? Where do they want you to meet a Polish gal? Hmmm....

Sounds like you respect your parents, good, now respect them enough to be honest and stand your ground on something that is close to your heart :)
 
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