More relationship drama.

[tommyj27]

Ok, this is going to sound like a repost of ATs thread, well, sort of anyways.

So I've got two friends who I know through different circles, long story shorter, I introduced them and got buddy1 (guy) a job at my former employer where buddy2 (gal) works. they got to be really good friends and for a long time things were great. not too long ago they started having issues with each other. i initially just ignored it because buddy2 is high-drama and buddy1 isn't far behind, not to mention that i no longer work with them so i'm somewhat out of the loop. i tried to stay out of the loop as much as possible, i hate drama and i don't get the whole truth from either of them when they've got their drama hats on. i had my own suspicions that buddy1 was probably in love with buddy2 who is not interested, but it took a while before that actually came out in the wash.

when either of them asked me for advice i recommended that they get everything out in the open, talk about the problem and how they're going to work through it and move on. that has always worked for me and i thought things were cooling down. then yesterday i spent a half hour on the phone in the car with buddy2 who was in tears because she doesn't know wtf to do about the situation. apparently the drama has spread to work and is causing enough of a stir there for her boss to get involved. apparently there is a lot of badmouthing and unprofessional remarks going on the part of buddy1, some of which are directed at me, insinuating that my intentions with buddy2 are less than honorable. I'm not really concerned about any comments regarding me, I could care less what people think of me, not to mention that they just aren't true. Granted, I flirt with her all the time, we go dancing, etc., but I don't think I could ever date her, it's just too much drama for me to bother with. She's also a friend, and I've found that friends are generally terrible people to date.

I'm making it perfectly clear to them that I won't take sides, but I really do want to try and find a way for them to get past this garbage with landing myself right in the middle of it. I think that if the solution comes in a room together with their supervisor things will end up badly.

So does anyone have any bright ideas, comments, smart remarks? I'm hoping the generally uncaring and harsh sage advice here will provide me with something constructive because my bag of tricks is empty.

 

[Leslie]

the only thing I can think of really besides dumping them both is "sorry, I cannot talk to you about *blank* anymore", and if they continue, hang up. They'll get it after a couple hangups.

*edit* I meant to add, just prepare yourself and know that these things very rarely end well, and it's usually the worst loss for the innocent in the middle.

 

[tonksy]

Be a good ear but don't pick sides. It's tough but it's better than losing friends.....unless one of the two is obviously wrong, then I would tactfully pull that person aside and tell them how it is.
And why are friends bad to date? If you can't be friends why would you be able to be more?

 

[tommyj27]

that's what i was doing for quite a while, whenever they'd start i'd tell them to change the subject until they had worked out their shit. you think the head in the sand approach is the way to go here?

 

[HomeLAN]

The topic's now off limits. Since they can't discuss it with you rationally, you won't discuss it at all. If they think they've changed, then you might consider it as well.

 

[Leslie]

I really do want to try and find a way for them to get past this garbage with landing myself right in the middle of it.

do you think they comprehend enough the idea that their jobs are on the line?

 

[tommyj27]

do you think they comprehend enough the idea that their jobs are on the line?

i'd like to think so. like i said, i don't get the whole story for either one of them, it's when i hear the same thing from both of them that i really scratch my head.

 

[Leslie]

so scaring them into getting along is out.

If you've done all the listening and advising you feel you can do, I do think the lalalala I can't heeeeeear you would be the way to go. They may or may not get pissed, may or may not realize they have been idiots if they do, may or may not continue to be friendly with you, but I really don't think there's anything else you can do. It's on them to realize or not whether you're valuable to them.