THANKSGIVING At Kruz's House

[Kruz]

Now remember I have SIX Parrots

Get up early in the morning & have a cup of coffee.
It's going to be a long day, so place your Parrot on a
perch nearby to keep you company while you prepare the
meal.

Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to
perch. Prepare stuffing, and remove Parrot from edge
of stuffing bowl and return him to perch.

Stuff turkey & place it in the roasting pan, and
remove Parrot from edge of pan and return him to
perch. Have another cup of coffee to steady your
nerves.

Remove Parrot's head from turkey cavity and return him
to perch, and re-stuff the turkey.

Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as
much so that you'll have a regular size serving after
the Parrot has eaten his fill.

Remove Parrot from kitchen counter and return him to
perch. Prepare cranberry sauce, discard berries
accidentally flung to the floor by Parrot. Peel
potatoes, remove Parrot from edge of potato bowl and
return him to perch.

Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan & cover with brown
sugar & mini marshmallows. Remove Parrot from edge of
pan and return him to perch. Replace missing
marshmallows.

Brew another pot of coffee. While it is brewing, clean
up the torn filter. Pry coffee bean from Parrot beak.

Have another cup of coffee & remove Parrot from
kitchen counter and return him to perch


When time to serve the meal: Place roasted turkey on a
large platter, and cover beak marks with strategically
placed sprigs of parsley.

Put mashed potatoes into serving bowl, rewhip at last
minute to conceal
beak marks and claw prints.
Place
pan of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget
presentation as there's no way to hide the areas of
missing marshmallows.

Put rolls in decorative basket, remove Parrot from
side of basket and return him to perch. Also remove
beaked rolls, serve what's left. Set a stick of butter
out on the counter to soften - think better and return
it to the refrigerator.

Cut the pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream
off Parrot's beak and place large dollops of remaining
whipped cream on pie slices. Whole slices are then
served to guests, beaked-out portions should be
reserved for host & hostess.

Place Parrot inside cage & lock the door. Sit down to
a nice relaxing dinner with your family - accompanied
by plaintive cries of "WANT DINNER!" from the other
room.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

 

[chcr]

Here I thought cats and dogs were annoying.

PS. All that coffee doesn't really steady your nerves, you know. It probably does speed up the clean up though.

 

[Professur]

THE RUDE PARROT


His young lady walks into a pet store to buy a parrot. The guy behind the counter says that he only has one and that it's a real "smart-ass", with a vulgar vocabulary and rude temperment.

The woman says thats OK I know how to handle assholes like that, I want the parrot anyhow.

So the woman gets the bird home puts it in her room, and starts to get ready for bed. Just as she gets her slacks off the parrot says: "AWK... NICE LEGS BABY" Well the the woman isn't gonna take this shit so she takes the bird out of the cage and puts it in the freezer for 3 min.

While the parrots in the freezer, he becomes real sure that this was the wrong thing to say, and is making a large mental note about saying that again.

The next night, again the woman is getting ready for bed this time the parrot KNOWS not to say any thing about her legs, but after she removes her blouse, and then her bra... the parrot just can't resist any longer. He blurts out "AWK... GREAT TITS BABY LETS SEE YA SHAKE UM".

This once agian gets the woman pissed-off and she decides that instead of 3 min. in the freezer, she is going to keep the parrot in for 5 min.

WELL the parrot has lots of time to think this time, and remorse gives way to desperation, and finally to anger so that the adrenalin will allow him to continue to live.

FINALLY the woman opens the freezer door take out the near frozen parrot and asks... "Well, have you learned your lesson??"

The parrot still shivering and barely able to speak says... "AWK... YEA YEA SURE SURE, BUT I JUST HAVE ONE QUESTION....."

The woman says... "Yes?"

The parrot says "AWK... WHAT DID THE TURKEY DO, ASK FOR A BLOW JOB?"

 

[Nixy]

 

[Gonz]

Norwegian Blue