Squiggy
ThunderDick
Things I've Learned From Movies:
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well
within the price range of most people--whether they are
employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire
to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in
a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly
bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a
world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned
down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving
fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating
sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes
to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach
the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the
man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while
scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of
your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or
Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the
language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his
wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be
thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will
always say: Enter Password Now.
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer
to speak to each other in English.
1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well
within the price range of most people--whether they are
employed or not.
2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire
to cut. You will always choose the right one.
4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the
communications system of any invading alien society.
5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait
patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in
a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.
6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly
bluish.
7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a
world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.
8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned
down three days before their retirement.
9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving
fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating
sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes
to escape.
10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach
the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the
man lying beside her.
11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
French bread.
12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.
13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while
scuba diving.
14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war
unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of
your sweetheart back home.
15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or
Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the
language. A German or Russian accent will do.
16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious
beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his
wounds.
18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be
thrown through it before long.
19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate
any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will
always say: Enter Password Now.
21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to
right every few moments.
22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with
large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to
go off.
23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.
24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you meet will know all the steps.
25. Police departments give their officers personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.
26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer
to speak to each other in English.
