Why do you do what you do???

[IDLEchild]

Why do people spend so much time in relationships when they know there are going to be tough times ahead. Even after a less than satisifying relationship people seek to go back to investing time in a otherwise flawed concept. Besides sexual interests what makes you want to spend time in a relationship that is more likely doomed than suucessful.

 

[Leslie]

Besides sexual interests what makes you want to spend time in a relationship that is more likely doomed than suucessful.

call me bitter and cynical, but I don't

 

[IDLEchild]

call me bitter and cynical, but I don't

And why is that??...I just find that many people today don't workout in relationships today because they fail to see the common point and they fail to realize that they are just not compatible.

 

[beli_volk]

The point of relationships is to practice your relationship skills. Yes, after a point people stop getting into the ones that are bound for failure, but that comes with maturity. If a person is looking for FUN, he'll date at random; if he's looking for future life partner, he'll select differently.
Fun can be found in bed or simply spending time together.
Butt, just bc you dont do it, doesnt mean other people shouldn't.

 

[Luis G]

As i see it, a good relationship is not the one that has no problems, rather, it is the one that is capable of solving them.

 

[Shadowfax]

Why do people spend so much time in relationships when they know there are going to be tough times ahead.

i don't. perhaps that comes with experience. too much experience, and you'll just avoid those relationships.

a good relationship will also have a some troubles, definately. but a good relationship doesn't revolve around trouble.

 

[freako104]

if i really love her and if i think theres a chance itll worj out ill stay

 

[AlladinSane]

I don't. Maybe that's why I'm always alone.

 

[a13antichrist]

Why do people spend so much time in relationships when they know there are going to be tough times ahead.

Why do people spend so much time living when they know there are going to be tough times ahead? Might as well just knock yourself off right now, huh? Part of being alive is accepting that life is gonna kick ya in the face from time to time, and getting on and having an awesome time anyway. If you think that something's not worth doing because it might go bad, you'd never get up in the morning.

" Even after a less than satisifying relationship people seek to go back to investing time in a otherwise flawed concept. Besides sexual interests what makes you want to spend time in a relationship that is more likely doomed than suucessful."

Because the potential benefit to be gained when you find the one that "clicks" far FAR outweighs the potential and temporary "tough times" that may be instore. Because sharing your life with someone creates an inexplicable feeling of satisfaction that's pretty damn difficult to obtain any other way.

Sure some people have some selection problems. Either they learn to be more selective or they're going to have more "tough times" on average than the rest of us. But they're still searching for exactly the same happiness, and they have just as much motivation (perhaps even more) to find it.

In any case, "tough times" in a relationship almost invariably come about because both partners are retards. If people knew how to handle relationships we would be mature enough to realise when things were working and when they need to be laid to rest. And to realise, AS A COUPLE, that although they may have had some good times together, ultimately the potential benefits they're searching for aren't going to be found here. So you go your separate ways happy to have been able to grow with that person, with fond memories of your time together and eagerly looking forward to your next potential. And most of the time you'd stay friends with that person too..

 

[a13antichrist]

As i see it, a good relationship is not the one that has no problems, rather, it is the one that is capable of solving them.

Precisely.

 

[a13antichrist]

And why is that??...I just find that many people today don't workout in relationships today because they fail to see the common point and they fail to realize that they are just not compatible.

Common point? The problem since the beginning of mankind has been people thinking they only need to find the "common point". For fear of spending a little time alone we fool ourselves into thinking we're happy with people that are far from what would really make us ecstatic. And then we wonder why 65% of marriages end in divorce.. wans't any different 400 years ago, just that people had to live with their fuck-ups and stay with the bastard..

 

[chcr]

In any case, "tough times" in a relationship almost invariably come about because both partners are retards.

I might have said one or both partners, but it's a good point. Relationships take work. A lot of people are unwilling to do the work. It's all about give and take, and too many folks are a lot more interested in the taking than in the giving.

To answer BCD's question, I think that most people feel a bad relationship is still better than being alone. I don't, but I know a lot of people who do.

 

[Shadowfax]

To answer BCD's question, I think that most people feel a bad relationship is still better than being alone. I don't, but I know a lot of people who do.

a very good point, chcr

 

[greenfreak]

I think it's mostly women who will stay in a bad relationship rather than being alone. I don't agree with it but I understand why they do it.

I think having things in common have nothing to do with it. Sure it can help develop the relationship in the beginning if you meet at, say, a game of a team you both like but from there, I place little or no importance on 'needing' to like the same things. In four years with Rusty, we have found very little that we hold in common but it really works for us. My shortcomings are his strengths and vice versa. Sure it takes a fair amount of consideration of the other person to know where they're coming from even if you don't agree or understand but if you don't have that kind of openminded cooperation to begin with, you're doomed anyway.

chcr is right about people not wanting to work. It's too damn easy to give up and get a divorce and people who don't know each other well enough are jumping into marraige too young. I wouldn't care as much what they do with themselves but those same lazy assholes are the ones that bring kids into the world that won't have any ethics instilled in them and further the whole process. They're all too happy to dump their kids on their family and continue with their social lives which appears to be more important than taking responsibility and raising a child.

a13, you've got a good point about the selection also. I know people out there who choose people that are treat them like crap and they do it on purpose. Those are the idiots who hold on to shit far too long in crummy or abusive relationships.

 

[AlladinSane]

I think it's mostly women who will stay in a bad relationship rather than being alone. I don't agree with it but I understand why they do it.

I think having things in common have nothing to do with it. Sure it can help develop the relationship in the beginning if you meet at, say, a game of a team you both like but from there, I place little or no importance on 'needing' to like the same things. In four years with Rusty, we have found very little that we hold in common but it really works for us. My shortcomings are his strengths and vice versa.

I didn't have much relationships in my life but I experienced the "complimentary" person before. Today I don't think I would be able to live with such a person, because one of the opposed features of mine is being impulsive and dependant. An impulsive person can be really exciting when you're young but I just lack the patience I once had. I search today for a woman that is more or less the same way I am and those is difficult to find around here. As for the first thing you said, yeah it's even more noticeable around here. I think men can recognize and accept more easily when said person is just for having fun with, while the inherent need women have for "love" to be in a relationship causes their minds to "produce" a fake love sensation...

 

[IDLEchild]

Common point? The problem since the beginning of mankind has been people thinking they only need to find the "common point". For fear of spending a little time alone we fool ourselves into thinking we're happy with people that are far from what would really make us ecstatic. And then we wonder why 65% of marriages end in divorce.. wans't any different 400 years ago, just that people had to live with their fuck-ups and stay with the bastard..

You have made excellent points and made me see different view points on it. Thank you.

Also what about staying in a abusive relationship out of fear? Any thoughts on that.

 

[a13antichrist]

Also what about staying in a [sic] abusive relationship out of fear?

Fear of what? Fear that he'll come after her to punish her for leaving, or fear of being alone? As far as being alone is concerned, it's still related to what I mentioned above. People place too much importance on the ideal of "having someone", and hence let that, rather than their desire to be happy, rule their relationships. All it would take is a couple of minutes listening to their reason, rather than their fear, for them to see that even if they don't manage to conquer their fear of being alone, that being alone is still a much better alternative than staying in a relationship with someone who will obviously never be able to appreciate anyone in the manner necessary for either him or her to be even partially happy.

Evidently, the woman's self-esteem plays a large part in this but whether or not you think you will ever find someone "better" is in my opinion beside the point. I would rather be alone and know that I hadn't accepted less than what I expect from a relationship, than to spend my life with someone and always be wondering if I hadn't short-changed myself somewhere. In any case, people shouldn't evaluate their current partners on the basis of their previous ones - they should be evaluating them based on what they personally hope to gain from a relationship. If that person isn't giving them that, then they need to call it off, regardless of how they see their future prospects.


I haven't touched an awful lot on abusive relationships specifically here so I'm not sure whether I've covered what you wanted me to.. if not let me know, I'll look at that more specifically.