The March 2006 issue of GQ magazine will run a quiz entitled “You Don’t Know Dick,” featuring trivia about Vice-President Dick Cheney. Here are some advance highlights:
5 WHAT DID HE AND FUTURE WIFE LYNNE DO ON THEIR FIRST DATE?
[ A ] One malt, two straws at Nancy’s Diner in Casper
[ B ] Dinner at his parents’ house the day after he broke up with his previous girlfriend of three and a half years
[ C ] Dinner and a movie
[ D ] Dinner and a movie, followed by some light bondage
7 NUMBER OF MILITARY DEFERMENTS CHENEY RECEIVED DURING THE VIETNAM WAR:
[ A ] None
[ B ] Two
[ C ] Four
[ D ] Five
11 TO WHAT EVENT DID CHENEY WEAR THIS OUTFIT, COMPLETE WITH HIKING BOOTS, A MONOGRAMMED PARKA, AND A SKI CAP READING “STAFF 2001”?
[ A ] A fall ’03 campaign speech at the VFW in Skokie, Illinois
[ B ] The sixtieth anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz
[ C ] A “pimps up, hos down” party at the vice presidential residence thrown in honor of the Royal Nepalese ambassador
13 WHAT WAS CHENEY’S SECRET SERVICE CODE NAME WHILE HE WAS GERALD FORD’S CHIEF OF STAFF?
[ A ] Backdoor
[ B ] Backseat
[ C ] Bareback
[ D ] Pookey
15 AFTER THE GULF WAR, HOW DID CHENEY DEFEND THE FIRST BUSH ADMINISTRATION’S DECISION NOT TO MARCH INTO BAGHDAD AND OUST SADDAM FROM POWER?
[ A ] “What kind of government are you going to establish? Is it going to be a Kurdish government or a Shia government or a Sunni government…? You will have, I think, by that time lost the support of the Arab coalition that was so crucial to our operations over there.”
[ B ] “The question…is how many additional American casualties is Saddam worth? And the answer is not very damned many.”
[ C ] Both
[ D ] Neither
17 WHICH UNFRIENDLY FOREIGN COUNTRIES DID HALLIBURTON AND ITS SUBSIDIARIES DO BUSINESS WITH DURING CHENEY’S TENURE AS CEO?
[ A ] Iran and Iraq
[ B ] Libya and Iran
[ C ] Somalia and Iraq
[ D ] All of the above
[ E ] None of the above
18 HOW MUCH DID BROWN & ROOT CHARGE THE U.S. ARMY FOR EACH $14.06 PIECE OF PLYWOOD IT USED IN THE BALKANS WHEN CHENEY WAS THE CEO OF ITS PARENT COMPANY, HALLIBURTON?
[ A ] $14.06
[ B ] $19.99!
[ C ] $85.98
[ D ] $312.49
21 TO WHOM WAS CHENEY SPEAKING WHEN HE SAID, IN 2004, “GO FUCK YOURSELF, SENATOR”?
[ A ] Richard Durbin
[ B ] Patrick Leahy
[ C ] Tom Daschle
[ D ] John Kerry
24 WHICH OF THESE PASSAGES IS NOT EXCERPTED FROM A LYNNE CHENEY NOVEL?
[ A ] “I was still under the impression that his taste in extramarital sex ran to patrician bluebloods, the discreet wives and daughters of America’s ruling dynasties. But when I saw Romana at the top of the townhouse stairs in a flesh-colored peignoir, things fell into place.”
[ B ] “He could feel her heart beneath his hands. He moved his hands slowly lower still and she arched her back to help him.… He held her breasts in his hands. Oddly, he thought, the lower one might be larger.… One of her breasts now hung loosely in his hand near his face and he knew not how best to touch her.”
[ C ] “Let us go away together, away from the anger and imperatives of men. We shall find ourselves a secluded bower where they dare not venture. There will only be the two of us, and…in the evenings I shall read to you while you go work your cross-stitch in the firelight. And then we shall go to bed, our bed, my dearest girl.”
ANSWERS
(5) B; (7) D; (11) B; (13) B; (15) C; (17) A; (18) C; (21) B; (24) B (that’s the handiwork of Cheney’s disgraced former chief of staff, I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby).
