If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply
pour a jug of boiling water down your
throat and presto! The blockage is almost
instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy
an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen
peas inside it before you put it on.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your
goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and
causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry
wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Avoid arguments with the misses about lifting the
toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back
to sleep.
pour a jug of boiling water down your
throat and presto! The blockage is almost
instantly removed.
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing
vegetables by getting someone else to hold them
while you chop away.
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy
an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen
peas inside it before you put it on.
Putting just the right amount of gin in your
goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and
causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry
wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Avoid arguments with the misses about lifting the
toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.
High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and
bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure
in your veins.
A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock
will prevent you from rolling over and going back
to sleep.
Teehee, these are awesome!! 
Thanks.
