A little maritime humor
- Thread starter Inkara1
- Start date
highwayman
New Member
Sharky
New Member
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How'd you get rid of the gators?” “We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy, “How'd you get rid of the gators?” “We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em."
Sharky
New Member
Once upon a time there was a famous sea captain. This captain was very successful at what he did; for years he guided merchant ships all over the world.
Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines: Port Left, Starboard Right.
Never did stormy seas or pirates get the best of him. He was admired by his crew and fellow captains.
However, there was one thing different about this captain. Every morning he went through a strange ritual. He would lock himself in his captain's quarters and open a small safe. In the safe was an envelope with a piece of paper inside. He would stare at the paper for a minute, and then lock it back up. After, he would go about his daily duties.
For years this went on, and his crew became very curious. Was it a treasure map? Was it a letter from a long lost love? Everyone speculated about the contents of the strange envelope.
One day the captain died at sea. After laying the captain's body to rest, the first mate led the entire crew into the captains’ quarters. He opened the safe, got the envelope, opened it and... The first mate turned pale and showed the paper to the others. Four words were on the paper, two on two lines: Port Left, Starboard Right.
Sharky
New Member
REASONS SAILING IS BETTER THAN SEX:
• You don't have to hide your collection of sailboat magazines.
• It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Sail with you once in a while.
• The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Sailing.
• If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Sailing your boat, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
• Your Sailing partner doesn't get upset and really does forget about people you sailed with long ago.
• It's perfectly respectable to Sail with a total stranger.
• When you see a really good Sailor, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Sailing together.
• If your regular Sailing partner isn't available, they won't object or criticize if you Sail with someone else.
• Nobody will ever tell you that if you Sail by yourself, you’ll go blind.
• When dealing with a Sailing pro, you never have to wonder if he’s really an undercover cop.
• You can have a Sailing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Sailing jokes, and invite coworkers to Sail with you without getting sued for harassment or sex discrimination at work
• There are no Sailing-transmitted diseases.
• If you want to watch Sailing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel and you don’t need to feel guilty watching on the family TV.
• Nobody expects you to Sail with the same partner for the rest of your life.·
• Nobody expects you to give up Sailing if your partner loses interest in it.
• Your Sailing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Sailed last week! Is Sailing all you ever think about?"
• You don't have to hide your collection of sailboat magazines.
• It's perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Sail with you once in a while.
• The Ten Commandments don't say anything about Sailing.
• If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Sailing your boat, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.
• Your Sailing partner doesn't get upset and really does forget about people you sailed with long ago.
• It's perfectly respectable to Sail with a total stranger.
• When you see a really good Sailor, you don't have feel guilty about imagining the two of you Sailing together.
• If your regular Sailing partner isn't available, they won't object or criticize if you Sail with someone else.
• Nobody will ever tell you that if you Sail by yourself, you’ll go blind.
• When dealing with a Sailing pro, you never have to wonder if he’s really an undercover cop.
• You can have a Sailing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Sailing jokes, and invite coworkers to Sail with you without getting sued for harassment or sex discrimination at work
• There are no Sailing-transmitted diseases.
• If you want to watch Sailing on television, you don't have to subscribe to the Playboy channel and you don’t need to feel guilty watching on the family TV.
• Nobody expects you to Sail with the same partner for the rest of your life.·
• Nobody expects you to give up Sailing if your partner loses interest in it.
• Your Sailing partner will never say, "Not again? We just Sailed last week! Is Sailing all you ever think about?"
