Attack of the incomprehensible report card

[Professur]

Recently, the budding adolescent .

Please, please don't use that term. I'm having a hard enough time with V2.0 parading around the house in a training bra and panties. Makes me wanna go beat up some kid with a 2x4 just in case he might date her one day.

 

[HomeLAN]

Have you filled the moat yet, are the alligators in, and are the claymores pointed the proper direction?

 

[Professur]

Moat's dug, full of ice at the moment. Claymores are sharp. Gators are back ordered. Noone wants to send them to me. They worry about them getting cold. I've got booties for them, damnit.

 

[HomeLAN]

Sharp?

The Claymore to which I refer:

 

[Gato_Solo]

Moat's dug, full of ice at the moment. Claymores are sharp. Gators are back ordered. Noone wants to send them to me. They worry about them getting cold. I've got booties for them, damnit.

Gators won't survive the winter. Stock the moat with these instead. Just be sure to keep them visible.

 

[Professur]

Oh, them. I was assuming you were making a Scot reference to

 

[HomeLAN]

Good for individual targets. I was thinking area coverage.

 

[Professur]

this from a guy with no daughters in sight.

 

[Gato_Solo]

this from a guy with no daughters in sight.

Unless you have herculean strength and stamina, a claymore is a one-swing weapon. Otherwise, it's a two-swing weapon. It's too slow for a fast-moving hormone-fueled teenager. The mine would be a better choice...

 

[Professur]

Gato, one day I'll show you how wrong you are. A claymore isn't a steel baseball bat. It takes strong wrists and hands, but a claymore can more almost as quick as a staff, and with a similar range of motion. If you look at the tip, you see it's round. A claymore is more intended as a full length edge ax or pole weapon than a sword. A footman can use it to cut the legs right out from under a horse. A horseman can reach grounded targets. But the important thing is that it will cleave through and keep it's momentum.