Best "Lightbulb Jokes"
- Thread starter MrBishop
- Start date
MrBishop
Well-Known Member
[font=times new roman,helvetica]How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A)
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
**
The one that I had previously was 4 pages long and filled with legaleze
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A)
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
**
The one that I had previously was 4 pages long and filled with legaleze
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SouthernN'Proud
Southern Discomfort
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One. He just holds it and lets the world revolve around him.
A: One. He just holds it and lets the world revolve around him.
Slim Pickens
New Member
Q: How many good old boys does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 4 - one to hold the bulb, one to write a song about it, and two to start the fight in the parking lot over which way to turn it.
A: 4 - one to hold the bulb, one to write a song about it, and two to start the fight in the parking lot over which way to turn it.
paul_valaru
100% Pure Canadian Beef
how many jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
never mind, I'll sit in the dark, fall down, break my hip, it will be on your head.
how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb.
a fish.
never mind, I'll sit in the dark, fall down, break my hip, it will be on your head.
how many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb.
a fish.
MrBishop
Well-Known Member
Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "There is no need to change the light bulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the light bulb lighting up again."
***
Q: How many US Presidents does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the constitution says that only Congress can screw in light bulbs, so only Congress is responsible for the dark, which is why we need a Constitutional amendment.
SouthernN'Proud
Southern Discomfort
How many Canadians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change it in English, one to change it in French.
Two. One to change it in English, one to change it in French.
MrBishop
Well-Known Member
<---SnPHere's one for you, SnP
Q: How many anglers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five, and you should've seen the light bulb! It must have been *this* big! (Gestures with arms...) Five of us were barely enough!
**
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor.
Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer is actually none. They're just faking it.
MrBishop
Well-Known Member
Two for Prof
Q: How many gay rights activists does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None: The bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.
Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None. "Why should we impose our values on the light bulb ? If it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."
Q: How many gay rights activists does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None: The bulb shouldn't have to change for society to accept it.
Q: How many politically correct people does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: None. "Why should we impose our values on the light bulb ? If it wishes to be a light bulb of no light, we should respect its uniqueness and individuality."