Big date tonight...

For the record, my initial advice to TG was based on the fact that she thought she was being shunned by this guy after their first date and, presumably, having had sex with him. She said she text messaged him and that he initially ignored her. In my opinion, he was the one playing games. The only thing continuing to call or text him would have produced at that point was making TG appear like a desperate fool. Regardless of what a 20-something suitor might think of such behavior (not much, I suspect), a vulnerable young woman is only setting herself up for more heartache by actively pursuing a guy who appears to have been using her. How anyone can disagree with this is beyond me. :shrug:

If she were dealing with a sincere guy with genuine emotions for her that he expressed clearly and openly, none of this would be necessary. After reading the latest update, I think I was right. He waited until after he slept with you, TG, to tell you he can't get serious because he's still rebounding after his last girlfriend. I understand you are attracted to and care about this guy but, if he were an honest, upfront guy, he would have told you that beforehand. Since you slept with him again anyway, I'm afraid that anything that happens at this point is of your own doing.
 
abooja said:
For the record, my initial advice to TG was based on the fact that she thought she was being shunned by this guy after their first date and, presumably, having had sex with him. She said she text messaged him and that he initially ignored her. In my opinion, he was the one playing games. The only thing continuing to call or text him would have produced at that point was making TG appear like a desperate fool. Regardless of what a 20-something suitor might think of such behavior (not much, I suspect), a vulnerable young woman is only setting herself up for more heartache by actively pursuing a guy who appears to have been using her. How anyone can disagree with this is beyond me. :shrug:

If she were dealing with a sincere guy with genuine emotions for her that he expressed clearly and openly, none of this would be necessary. After reading the latest update, I think I was right. He waited until after he slept with you, TG, to tell you he can't get serious because he's still rebounding after his last girlfriend. I understand you are attracted to and care about this guy but, if he were an honest, upfront guy, he would have told you that beforehand. Since you slept with him again anyway, I'm afraid that anything that happens at this point is of your own doing.
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I appreciate your input Abooja, and yeah - I know you are right. And yes, I chose to sleep with him anyway. I don't feel bad about it because from that point I realised it was futile. Again I have not much faith in the fidelity of Men to a girls heart - but after this experience I have learned yet another valuable lesson. I am not upset because I gained from this - and although it is unikely I will see him again despite the fact that we had connected even though it was a hopeless rebound.

It did make me feel more alive and attractive than I have felt in a long time. And so I just focus on thinking that it was more like, the good old-fashioned "taking a lover" than anything else than that - he came into my life to add a bit of much needed excitement and was gone - probably better because I am starting to really believe that we are not designed to have sustained relationships with anyone anyway. It is true he didn't tell me before, but then I enjoyed myself as much as he did and so I can't really complain. I had a wonderful time - and have realised that like Leslies said before -

I really am better off alone. But I can allow myself take a lover from time to time and not feel ashamed for it. I was naiive to think anything more could come of it - and it was obvious from the start he was only interested in one thing. But I don't blame him for it - because he was honest about it instead of the typical not call/text message or blow me off via email/text message scenario. :shrug: it would honestly have hurt ten thousand times more if he was as cowardly as that.

THe fact that he had enough decency to look me in the eye and tell me right then and then stick around to make sure I was ok and talk to me afterwards meant the world to me.
 
TG said:
It did make me feel more alive and attractive than I have felt in a long time.
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That will be your downfall. Until, and unless, you can find peace & harmony with yourself, not needing outside approval, you'll continue to look for what cannot be found.
 
Gonz said:
That will be your downfall. Until, and unless, you can find peace & harmony with yourself, not needing outside approval, you'll continue to look for what cannot be found.
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well yeah...but what men fail to realize is that women LIKE to feel alive and attractive and we want you to make us feel that way. kinda like how we make you feel big and strong and manly. ego stroking your partner is part of a relationship. if we didn't feel the need to have people that approve of us and think we are special we wouldn't seek out others for emotional relationships.
 
tonksy said:
well yeah...but what men fail to realize is that women LIKE to feel alive and attractive and we want you to make us feel that way. kinda like how we make you feel big and strong and manly. ego stroking your partner is part of a relationship. if we didn't feel the need to have people that approve of us and think we are special we wouldn't seek out others for emotional relationships.
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Too right. What men don't understand is that we women LIKE to make an emotional connection, and we want to seek to make that connection through others - and ultimately romantic interests. It is a reciprical thing and there is much to be said about feeling attractive and alive and having your self-worth justified on your own terms - and I agree with that entirely; and I never said that I DIDN'T believe that in the first place.

It just helps to be reminded and to have the opportunity to connect with someone and share that with someone you are attracted to and give that back,
it is like a chemical reaction, really. And that mutual interaction is a beautiful thing.
 
"we want you to make us feel that way"
therein lies the fallacy
one that I made sure didn’t get programmed into my kid
 
and that is the problem with men. they don't get this need in women and they brush it off as silly stuff not realizing how important it is. i suppose if we held back our praise and compliments to our male counterparts that they would be unaffected?
 
Um well,

what I was speaking to is entirely different than
the issue you raise.
Prior to any attempt to reply to your last post,
would you do me the favor of showing that you
understand what I meant by my post.
If not no prob, I understand…
 
tonksy said:
and that is the problem with men. they don't get this need in women and they brush it off as silly stuff not realizing how important it is. i suppose if we held back our praise and compliments to our male counterparts that they would be unaffected?
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Nope, they would just start more wars ;)

It IS important. If there is one thing that should be stressed it is trying to see through the myth that "men don't have emotions" and realise that it is that preconception that is barring a more fulfilling relationship. Because men believe that they should pretend that they don't get emotions, they must avoid them at all cost, joke about them, brush them off - and pretend that they don't get the importance of it - and don't allow themselves to see that this is something that not only would help women feel better, but would also help them feel much better themselves and their relationships with women too.

in other words, guys. You'll GET MORE if you GIVE MORE of yourself...and the world would probably be a much happier (not to mention more peaceful) place ;)
 
Winky said:
Um well,

what I was speaking to is entirely different than
the issue you raise.
Prior to any attempt to reply to your last post,
would you do me the favor of showing that you
understand what I meant by my post.
If not no prob, I understand…
Click to expand...

Winky no offence... but sometimes it can be pretty damn impossible to decipher what you exactly mean in your posts :p
 
tank girl said:
Winky no offence... but sometimes it can be pretty damn impossible to decipher what you exactly mean in your posts :p
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i concur. sorry dude. i suppose i must have misunderstood you...somehow.
 
tank girl said:
and the world would probably be a much happier (not to mention more peaceful) place ;)
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No connection. Imagine the world if, every 28 days, there was a sudden mood swing.

I understood Winkys post perfectly.
 
tank girl said:
I've never seen anybody here reverse his own refined attempts at name-calling back on him.
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Hah hah.. name calling? Hardly. You see there's a big difference between criticising a blind obedience of social norms and attacking a personal directly. Most of the people here realise that, which is why you don't [often] see getting all offended and hot under the collar at my little jibes. Sure I'm a bit more colourful about it than most but then I obviously feel that the products of said retardation are such that it warrants the extra "colour".

If that's too much of an effort for you to process then I'm sure you'll fit right in & be very happy with the stream of fu*k-you-first-&-then-mention-he's-not-interested social clones that consistently make up the vast majority of suitors of ladies whose primary goal is to "feel wanted" rather than actually spending the time to find someone of any value.
 
Pleased it all "worked out" for you TG and this guy too...

Seems you both got a little/lot of what you wanted... my weekend was somewhat similar too... :ashamed:
 
Inkara1 said:
You got a piece of ass, he told you he wasn't interested, and then you got it on again?
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Like I said it was a similar weekend... sadly due to circumstance I'm not too sure if either of us got "any ass"... but I get the impression he's not interested jn anything more than cuddles and "ass"!
 
"cuddles and "ass"!"
throw in breakfast in bed and you've got it made
in the Arizona shade!


20030411Lizard01N.jpg
 
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