MrBishop
Well-Known Member
*Ones I havnt' heard a million times before 
ASTROLOGY
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking........and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think
is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns
and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida........?????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it
for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap
in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license and then today you expect me to show it to
you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car
on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel
was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to
his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked
down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking
one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the
first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other
and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It
was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on
Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear
it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or
off?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINALLY…..
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?"
Hellooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs.
ASTROLOGY
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench
talking........and one blonde says to the other:" Which do you think
is farther away..........Florida or the moon?" The other blonde turns
and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida........?????
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station.
She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it
for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap
in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and
asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get
your act together. Just yesterday you take away my
license and then today you expect me to show it to
you!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car
on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was
astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel
was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to
his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked
down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled,
"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking
one day.
The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the
first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other
and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn
up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you
know. We're going at night!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It
was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on
Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a
vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear
it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or
off?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FINALLY…..
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had
acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their
names were. The blonde responded by saying that one
was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?"
Hellooooo," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs.
that is funny