Book of Bob

paul_valaru

paul_valaru

100% Pure Canadian Beef
Taking it out the Real World to where it belongs.

Book of Bob on Santa


789753:0

Lo as the baby Jesus lay in the manger, through the upper window came a Jolly Fat very pale for the Middle east guy. He sat and had the God child upon his lap, thus the Christ child screamed his head off, while the holy Mary tried to make him smile for the photographer.


ask here your questions oh children and I shall make up, I mean read the answers from the Book of Bob
 
Inkara1 said:
Book of Bob on Coke vs. Pepsi?
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Book of Bob 45:98

Lo on the ninth day, around 11:15 am God did look upon the world, and saw that everything was good, God didst also noticed we was a bit thirsty. He didith take the sweet waters of the jordan river, the honey of the bees of eden, and various other secret ingrediants, and he created COKE, and it was good.

Little-ith did God know that the slightly retarded room-mate of his fallen son Lucifer, Andy saw this, and did try to copy god, taking the waters of Lake Ontario, and the sugar beets of England, he doth created PEPSI, and it was bad.

God later saw this and was angry, and cast out andy, and put a mark upon those who drink the false idol PEPSI, that when the fellow man of thee pepsi drinker, see the pepsi drinker, they knowith that this person is socially malajusted, a tad retarded, and suffers from erectile dysfunction.
 
AlphaTroll said:
Who is this Bob person?
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the 18 apostle, Bob the atheist.

His mother forced him into the apostle business.

His book, banned by religions everywhere is the sole repository of all knowledge ever.

and also has some very NON-inspirational quotes, such as.

When though watchs MILF porn, thy mightist think "wow that is someones mom" but hark and remember, so is YOUR mom.
 
Inkara1 said:
Bob on Ford vs. Chevy?
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Book of Bob 35:44

From the sermon on the slope, Have you driven a ford lately? If no, then all is well, because Chevy is like a rock.

Unless, as it is said, the Ford in question is a mustang, for that is the original Pony car, which did drive moses from egypt.
 
Professur said:
Bob on circumcision.
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Book of Bob 56:33

And doth it was proclaimed that due to budget cutback, the union of carrot-top trimmers was being laid off. But they cried out "what, oh lord, shall we do for a living" And God came down from Heaven and appeared to them as Flaming 1967 Mustang, and spoke "Well I have a spiffy idea". He doth went on to explain to them the future, and the future was bright..with the neon lights of porno shops. We went onto explain how he made a slight miscalculation while creating a certain body part, and needed help to "pretty it up". He doth then gave the gift of circumcision unto the Jews, mostly to get them used to suffering from a young age.
 
paul_valaru said:
God later saw this and was angry, and cast out andy, and put a mark upon those who drink the false idol PEPSI, that when the fellow man of thee pepsi drinker, see the pepsi drinker, they knowith that this person is socially malajusted, a tad retarded, and suffers from erectile dysfunction.
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For 'tis be true, I do suffer from erectile dysfunction. :mope:


How 'bout pop music, oh mighty Bob?
 
Starya said:
How 'bout pop music, oh mighty Bob?
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Book of Bob 444:666

And as the angels cast out of the Heavens gathered in congregation, they spoke of what do do to revenge themselves upon the merciful God. It was decided on the 9th day of this congregation to unleash upon the world an unholy evil, to take Gods most precious creation, and twist it to their own evil end. And so they released the 5th horseman of the apocalypse, the prepacked pop band, and the world wept, and lo while God tried to fight back but allowing unnaturally long life on the likes of Jagger, Bowie, Tyler, and Plant, the lure of midriff tops, and spandex was an overpowering evil.

But hark, on the distance there was a Hope, Rock and Roll reborn, without big hair, and tight pants, guns'n'roses being it's herald, and eventually trans-mutating into Seattle Grunge, God had struck a deafening blow to the agents of Evil, but the great Evil fought back, unleashing Sampling, and the world wept the first time a bass line came on a classic rock station and a teen thought the chorus was to be Ice Ice Baby.

But the battle still wages, and deadly blows are stuck by both sides daily. The final battle shall be waged soon, and the outcome shall be decided by a triumvirate of judges, 2 chosen by the Good one by the Evil.

Lennon.
Rhodes
and Cowell.
 
paul_valaru said:
Book of Bob 444:666

And as the angels cast out of the Heavens gathered in congregation, they spoke of what do do to revenge themselves upon the merciful God. It was decided on the 9th day of this congregation to unleash upon the world an unholy evil, to take Gods most precious creation, and twist it to their own evil end. And so they released the 5th horseman of the apocalypse, the prepacked pop band, and the world wept, and lo while God tried to fight back but allowing unnaturally long life on the likes of Jagger, Bowie, Tyler, and Plant, the lure of midriff tops, and spandex was an overpowering evil.

But hark, on the distance there was a Hope, Rock and Roll reborn, without big hair, and tight pants, guns'n'roses being it's herald, and eventually trans-mutating into Seattle Grunge, God had struck a deafening blow to the agents of Evil, but the great Evil fought back, unleashing Sampling, and the world wept the first time a bass line came on a classic rock station and a teen thought the chorus was to be Ice Ice Baby.

But the battle still wages, and deadly blows are stuck by both sides daily. The final battle shall be waged soon, and the outcome shall be decided by a triumvirate of judges, 2 chosen by the Good one by the Evil.

Lennon.
Rhodes
and Cowell.
Click to expand...
Halleluia
 
tonksy said:
Bob on potato salad.
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Book of Bob 679:1

And lo God created the potato, and it was good. And the people of the steppes made it into vodka, and it wsa even better.

But the evil ones gave the people mayonaisse, some paprika, a little dijon, and some green onions, and they cried onto God, why are our waistlines expanding? And God said it is because you sit in front of the false idols of television, and eat to excess, and the people replied, we are now atheists.
 
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