Child Support

Spirit

Spirit

Kissy Goddess
I'll probably get all kinds of shit over this, but I have to get this off of my chest to a fairly impartial crowd of friends.

When Ian (hubby) was separated from his Ex, they agreed on $200 per month in child support because she didn't make much money. (She left the kids behind upon his insistance.. so she was paying support). Well, now she's married and their combined income is about 30 - 40k per year which, according to the federal guidelines, means they should be paying about $440 - $500 per month for the both of the kids.

Ian and I were discussing this and he tells me that, had it not been court ordered in the divorce, he wouldn't take any money at all from her because he didn't want anything to do with her or her new husband. So, he's not going to ask for the legal amount.

This pisses me off. Perhaps it shouldn't, but I resent the fact that that 2 timing little bitch gets away with everything. She destroyed the lives of her 2 kids as well as a man who loved and was devoted to her through thick and thin.

She lives the high life while we struggle with 6 people to support and she's not made to account for anything.

I think Ian should ask for what is due to him and if he doesn't want that money in the house, then put it in an account for the kids for when they are older. One of them is deaf (along with a list of other handicaps) and is really going to need all the help he can get when he is older.

grrrrr....... I don't know.... I'm just pissed about it. 200 is an insult.

But then I understand how Ian feels.

But... I'm still pissed.
 
Ian probably figures that when she's on her death bed and her kids don't come to visit, she'll realize how much she fucked up and that would hurt a lot more than an extra $250 a month ever could.
 
well .. I understand how you feel but I can totally empathize with Ian .. when Randy and I split up, he had nothing to give me and, truth be told, I didn't want anything. In court, I was awarded $50 per child. No, I'm not kidding. I ammended the whole thing because I wasn't going to put up with a fight every month over such an insulting amount and because I knew, come hell or high water, I was gonna provide my children with everything they needed. He had nothing to offer them (and still doesn't) except his love and time and that's in short supply even today. And, can you believe it - he asks every year if he can claim one of our children on his taxes .. ummm.. NO .. duh ..

In the last six years I have received from him exactly $120 - and that was in July - because his mother made him pay for the kids's school fees. When I was making less than $20K a year AND going to school, I got nothing ... now that I'm making over $60K a year, he coughs up a few bucks that I don't *need*, but I'm glad his mom made him pay it. Oooh, the irony LOL

I know what it's like to struggle, hun .. *hug* .. but maybe, for Ian, it's not about the money but more of what the money represents and the crap he'd have to go through to get it every month.

Vent on, hun .. *hug* .. hope it all turns out well.
 
I agree that although Ian doesn't want to rely on her money in any way, he should still claim it, and set it aside for the kids later on. I'm sure they'll thank him for setting it up that way, not her. ;)


My child support is determined by the social security office in accordance with government guidelines. My ex once filed a claim to have it revised because he wanted it lowered. It went up instead. How nice of him to do that. :)

(He's getting it revised again these days, and this time I expect it to be lowered, as I'm no longer a student.)
 
hmm. when first reading your post my first instinct was to say fight for the money, and like you said, put it in an account for the kids.

but then i read nalani's post and i know what she's going through. granted, the situations aren't totally similar, but maybe it's not something worth wasting energy on.

it's a tough call.
 
Ya - I think that Ian is doing what he feels, in his heart, is right. It just pisses me off anyways (not Ian, but the situation) We talked about it once, I told him exactly how I felt and that I wouldn't bring it up again - it was up to him what he ultimately wanted to do.
 
It's not the new hubbys job to pay for the wenchs past HOWEVER, since she has a past, he walked in with both eyes wide open.

It's not Ians money. It's the girls money. They deserve it.
 
I understand why Ian does not want to take the money, however he should. It is a very small amount of money per month but it will all add up in the end. When the kids get older that $200 a month can be spending money for the kids and you wouldn't have to shove out extra money a month for their entertainment. Ian and you have taken over all the expenses for the children and trying your best to let them have a good life. She really screwed up their lives and even though $200 does not cut it at all, it will still help take off a small financial burden later on in your life. (ie. Entertainment)

If she does not pay anything a month, the thought of what she did may go away and she may never b e able to reconcile her actions. But if she mailing a check out every month for $200, then she will remember how she screwed up her life and possibly, attempt to make sure it does not happen again.
 
Even if she doesn't want the kids she could still demand access(equal or FULL),even if it was her that walked out ,the courts will side with her.I have yet to see any situation where the father is given the upperhand in child custody case ,even if the mother was unfit(total fuckup).He may be hoping to avoid the inevitable backlash if he tries for what he is legally "entitiled "to.
 
He's already been through all that. She waived her rights as a custodial parent and it's gone through a judge and the whole shabang.
 
Spirit said:
Gonz: I agree - put it away for them for when they are older. (That is what you meant, ya?)
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Yes & no.

Don't give it to them directly, of course. However, they need heat & cooling, lights & phones, books & bags, paper & pencils, vacations, trips to Baskin Robbins, etc.

Every dime that is spent on them should come from them. Both. Today & tomorrow.
 
Well, now she's married and their combined income is about 30 - 40k per year which
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Um, what does their COMBINED income have to do with anything? What her new husband makes doesn't factor into the equation. At least that's the way it is in Missouri. Now, if SHE is making that kind of money then it's time to pony up. They are HER kids, right, not HIS?
 
I think he should claim it and put it their college fund. That way the kids benefit and you don't have to rely on it for everyday living. Remember, it's the children's money and they're entitled to it.
 
PT said:
Um, what does their COMBINED income have to do with anything? What her new husband makes doesn't factor into the equation. At least that's the way it is in Missouri. Now, if SHE is making that kind of money then it's time to pony up. They are HER kids, right, not HIS?
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And 30-40k/year is squat,I make more than 30k and I'm only p/t.I'd be pissed if I had to pony up for someone elses kids outta my pitance.:eek5:
 
A.B.Normal said:
And 30-40k/year is squat,I make more than 30k and I'm only p/t.I'd be pissed if I had to pony up for someone elses kids outta my pitance.:eek5:
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Yeah it's not much for a dual income household at all...our household used to survive on about that before my mom got her new job...but that was only one income...that's two pretty small salaries for dual income.
 
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