:D

K62

K62

New Member
In a train car there were a Canadian, an American, a spectacular looking blonde and a frightfully awful looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip the train happens to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the American had a big red slap mark on his cheek.

1. The blonde thought - "That American son of a bitch wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who in turn must have slapped his face"
2. The fat lady thought - "This dirty old American laid his hands on the blonde and she smacked him".
3. The American thought - "That fucking Canadian put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me".
4. The Canadian thought - "I hope there's another tunnel soon so I can smack that stupid American again".
 
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days.
Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds,
"Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by Gods work, then pointed to a large land mass the top corner and asked, "What's that one?"
"Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There's beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coast-line. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found traveling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed. "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied wisely. "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them."
 
Hey Gonz,

Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Texas to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!

:D


(before I get shot, it's a joke.)
 
haha alright. Just one more.


A Canadian and an American are having a beer together, and the conversation turns to who has the better country. After numerous exchanges of boasts, the Yankee says "Sure Canada's nice! But take away your clean air, your friendly people, and your strong beer, and what have you got?".

The Canuck smiles and says "Easy. The USA!".
 
The total number of people who speak English worldwide is 508 million. 280.6 million of those are from the US. That's more than half. WE have the majority of English speaking people in the world, so YOU all need to learn to spell METER and COLOR and NEIGHBOR the way the majority of English speakers do.
Click to expand...
:headbang:
 
Winky said:
OMG Poutine sure looks like a real tastey treat I'd sure like to try it!
Click to expand...
it's....different.
and who said canadians had strong beer? i believe that award goes to the belgians hands down!
 
Winky said:
OMG Poutine sure looks like a real tastey treat I'd sure like to try it!
Click to expand...


When i'm in the mood, the stuff is amazing. Not all the restaurants make a good poutine, but quite a few do.
 
In an effort to garner at least some attention by someone somewhere, the CFL announced recently that they were going to bestow a lifetime achievement award upon Warren Moon, the great American quarterback who played several seasons in Canada before returning to real professional football. They decided to hold the ceremony at the Montreal baseball stadium, since no one is using it for anything else during the summer now that the Expos are gone. The event sold out in three days, as eager Canadians waited patiently for any athlete to make an appearance there this year since the NHL cancelled the season, and the curling tournament was...well, a curling tournament.

As the stadium crowd of over 60,000 people (45,750 metric) settled into their seats, the commissioner of the CFL, whoever he is, stepped to the microphone and said, "Ladies, gentlemen, and Canadians, we are here today to bestow a lifetime achievement award on one of the greatest quarterbacks in the history of the CFL, Mr. Warren Moon!"

*applause*

"Now, many football fans recognize the differences between the CFL rules and the NFL rules. They claim that passing records are easier to attain in the CFL due to the larger playing field we use here. Well, to dispel those myths, we are going to ask Mr. Moon to answer the questions himself. I give you...Warren Moon!"

*applause*

Warren steps to the mic, and is asked, "Now Warren, how many points are awarded for a touchdown and extra point in the CFL?"

"Seven," he answers.

And the entire crowd shouts, "Oh, give him another chance, eh?"


:D
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top