Funny Quotes From Famous People

Professur

Professur

Well-Known Member
"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

-A. Whitney Brown


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" It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens."

-Woody Allen

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"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago..."

-Dan Quayle

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"I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn't study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people. "

-Dan Quayle

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"An achaeologist is the best husband a woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. "

-Agatha Christie

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"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."

-Woody Allen
 
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve immortality through not having died."

-Woody Allen
 
i love california. i practically grew up in Phoenix -- Dan Quayle


its about time we put a man on the moon. -- Dan Quayle
 
"All men are cremated equal."

"I speak Esparanto like a native."

"When I look back, the fondest memory I have is not really of the Goon Show. It is of a girl called Julia with enormous breasts."

"Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion."

"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?"

"I'm a hero with coward's legs."

"L-I-M-P pronounced limp."

-Spike Milligan
 
"This is like deja vu all over again."

"You can observe a lot just by watching."

"He must have made that before he died." -- Referring to a Steve McQueen movie.

"I want to thank you for making this day necessary." -- On Yogi Berra Appreciation Day in St. Louis in 1947.

"I'd find the fellow who lost it, and, if he was poor, I'd return it." -- When asked what he would do if he found a million dollars.

"Think! How the hell are you gonna think and hit at the same time?"

"You've got to be very careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there."

"I knew I was going to take the wrong train, so I left early."

"If you don't know where you are going, you will wind up somewhere else."

"If you can't imitate him, don't copy him."

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

"Baseball is 90% mental -- the other half is physical."

"It was impossible to get a conversation going; everybody was talking too much."

"Slump? I ain't in no slump. I just ain't hitting."

"A nickel isn't worth a dime today."

"Nobody goes there anymore; it's too crowded."

"It gets late early out there." -- Referring to the bad sun conditions in left field at the stadium.


Just a few of the Greatest, Yogi Berra.
 
"It lacked a certain Je ne sais pas, but what that was I don't know..."

No idea who said that, lol.
 
"I never blame myself when I'm not hitting. I just blame the bat, and if it keeps up, I change bats. After all, if I know it isn't my fault that I'm not hitting, how can I get mad at myself?"

"It ain't the heat; it's the humility."

"The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase."

"You should always go to other people's funerals; otherwise, they won't come to yours."

"I didn't really say everything I said."

I think that last one is my favorite. You really have to think about some of the things he said.:D
 
Not sure who said it but



Pro is good
Con is bad

Does that mean Progress is the opposite of Congress?
 
All art is quite useless.
Oscar Wilde

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.
Oscar Wilde

All that I desire to point out is the general principle that life imitates art far more than art imitates life.
Oscar Wilde

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.
Oscar Wilde

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.
Oscar Wilde

Ambition is the germ from which all growth of nobleness proceeds.
Oscar Wilde

Ambition is the last refuge of the failure.
Oscar Wilde

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion.
Oscar Wilde

Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.
Oscar Wilde

By giving us the opinions of the uneducated, journalism keeps us in touch with the ignorance of the community.
Oscar Wilde

Charity creates a multitude of sins.
Oscar Wilde

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.
Oscar Wilde

I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability.
Oscar Wilde
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Thats enough for now.
 
"Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was." - Margaret Mitchell
 
Douglas Adams said:
First we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we've realized it's a brochure.
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