DENTIST
ORIN
When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shooting puppies with a B.B. gun
I'd poison guppies and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said
CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
What did she say?
ORIN
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success
CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh that hurts!
I'm not numb!
ORIN
Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!
I am your dentist
CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
Goodness gracious!
ORIN
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I am your dentist
CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
Fitting braces
ORIN
And I get off on the pain I inflict
When I start extracting those molars
You girls will be screaming like holy rollers
CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON
Dentist!
ORIN
And though it may cause my patients distress
Somewhere in heaven above me, I know that my mama's proud of me
'Cause I'm a dentist- and a success
Say ah! Now spit.