Grandpa died.

[Winky]

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems
that always sound good, but never actually come
close to reality? Well, here is a series of
promises that actually speak of true friendship:

>> > >
1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk
and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made
you sad.

2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge
whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.

4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it
every chance I get.

5. When you are worried -- I will tell you
horrible stories about how much worse it could be until
you quit whining.

6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.

7. When you are sick -- Stay the heck away from
me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at
your clumsy ass.

9. This is my oath..... I pledge it to the end.
"Why?" you may ask; "because you are my friend".


Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get
depressed becau se you can only think of 4.

Remember.......
A good friend will help you move.....
a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.......
let me know if you ever need me to
bring a shovel.
>> > >

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone
>> > can
>> > > see it, but only you can f eel the true warmth!

 

[Gonz]

Me three for a split second.

jumps on the bandwagon (that was my first thought then it did occur that the entertainment forum wsa a strange choice)

 

[Winky]

Subject: Fw: ALCOHOLIC THOUGHTS




"Sometimes when I reflect on all the wine I drink I feel shamed. Then I
look into the glass and think about the workers in the vineyards and all
of their hopes and dreams If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this wine and let their dreams come true than be
selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the
morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. "
~Frank Sinatra

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
~ Henny Youngman

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
I think not."
~ Stephen Wright

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"When we drink,
we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we
fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. So,
let's all get drunk and go to heaven!"
~ Brian O'Rourke

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~ Benjamin Franklin

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a
retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends
over and over again that you love them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group. Salvation in a can! ~
Dave Howell

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically
converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers. One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his
buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and
health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the
weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as
fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know,
kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain
cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the
weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.







------ End of Forwarded Message